FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Anaare 2006-08-26 ch 1,  | abuseI enjoyed reading this poem immensely. It has some lovely imagery and a good choice of words. Well done! |
| Osunale 2006-08-19 ch 1, | abuseJust love the allusion to Power Rangers (I almost can't believe that you found a way to make it work). Ah, the phrasing! Individual word and line structure is delightfully elemental (words blend, transform into the next) and emphasizes the overall feeling. Wonderful. |
| are you from mejico 2006-08-11 ch 1, | abuseI'm dizzy. In a lying down, relaxing got up too fast sort of way. |
| poetic abortion 2006-08-09 ch 1, | abuseYesyesyesYES! Seriously, this is just amazing, beautiful, and so very beautiful and just . . . Oh God, the subtext. Love it. Love it. So pretty. Really. I am incoherent. ~* Noelle |
| smile persephone 2006-08-08 ch 1, | abuseWell, I must say that I do love the hint of pre-lesbian subtext! Seriously though, I do love the way you exemplified that. You are a gem, really you are. Your writing outshines at least 99 percent of the other writers on FictionPress. |
| emeraude-irlandais 2006-08-08 ch 1, | abuseI love that you combine two words to form something that could almost pass the dictionary's test, it sounds so real. "Sunspring", "junesweet", and "moondripped" made me itch to review this even before I'd finished it. But I'm glad I did keep reading, because there's such vibrancy and such emotion here, such truth (and the truth is always better than fiction). My favorite lines: "she does not always know the/instinctual way to the healing path/ we are on even turf...", the realistic views with a touch of elaboration and philosophy make for brilliance. My only negative comment is that I kind of got lost from "go go pink ranger..." to "it is not his arms I see strength in". Somehow, those two lines got mixed up for me- perhaps I missed something? Also, was there any reason you didn't use stanza breaks? There are some places that could be easily defined- if you choose not to, adding some transitional lines would make it easier on the reader. (ex. "and when they hug it is not his arms I see strength in" to "green tinted morning light stained by curtains...". There's no obvious relation there). This is definitely going on my favorites list. I want to read more by you! `~bella~` |