FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Lethal Reject 2006-08-18 ch 1,  | abuseThanks. I felt that I should answer your question though. If I were to say "they sent the materials in" or "they sent the doll away" rather than what I have, then they're be too many syllables in the line for the music. Frustrating as it is, who knows? The way the music works out, I may change it. |
| Bathory Usher 2006-08-08 ch 1, | abuseDunno whether you intended it, but you employed a shrewd naming technique there. I chose this piece in particular from the list because I too am from Chicago. This piece, I assume, is your story. Compelling, gutteral, organic, I like it very much. One question, though; why did you choose to begin most of the stanzas with a passive phrase? Specifically, "materials are shipped in," "materials are sent in," "the doll was sent away," "materials have been shipped" -- was there a reason you chose to put it that way rather than "they sent the materials in" or "they sent the doll away"? |