FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Rens lost girl 2006-08-12 ch 1,  | abusewow. i can relate to this completely, you've captured the emotions perfectly. the repatition of 'im as happy as i could possibly be' emphesis a point of trying to convince yourself that. well that does for me if it wasnt meant to. anyway, amazing work, keep writing.rens lost girl |
| Aelux 2006-08-12 ch 1, | abuseHmm... Kind of depressing to read since it sounds like something coming from a one-track mind. With so many options, you make it sound like you only have one. Anyway, about the poems structure. I think there is something missing with the flow. It's so random. It's like a conglomeration of thoughts dispersed sporatically into somewhat broken sentences. From what i've seen, I think you should try writing these as little stories, instead of poems. You can play around a bit more with a story than you can with a poem, since a poem really dictates flow and meaning in a short space - for the most part. I hope to see how your style developes. |