Oh...this is a tricky one.

I do like this chapter, I really do, the scene in the squat just made everything seem more authentic, more counter-culture.

But I do have one or two problems. The vampire club...well, it's turned into a bit of a cliche' now, I just thought you could have tried something else. Also, wheras the plot in the first four chapters progressed nicely, I couldn't help but feel that it stalled a little here - there were only a few minor progressions, and now I'm bloody desperate to find out who the hell everyone's trying to kill. *Flail*

But nevertheless, your writing is still sterling - the park, the punks, the meeting between Nassau and Angel, all beatifully written in vivid semantic detail. Love it.

Also...WHY DIDN'T KIORL GET SOME?! Arg...that was so hot! I demand it!

Okay - everyone who reads this is going to think I'm some freakish pervert.

They're right, of course, but still~

Another good chapter. Yeah!

Good chapter though they're were a few mistakes. I think you should try and make the chaptersshorter so the reader doesn't go crazy otr get boried of reading easily.

I hate you.

How can you improve over the last chapter? How? I don't know how, but you still bloody did it. Damn you!

Anyway, with practice, your narrative structure has really improved, everything slots together nicely without too much alternating. But it's when you go into Summer and Fallen where I almost broke down with utter joy. Thomas, Sera and Luka act like missing characters out of Velvet Goldmine, complete with the utterly fabulous and witty dialogue; 'Dare I ask what you’re lying next to?''Little glam rock thing I picked up. He’s still out of it.'Genious, damnit!

As for Nassau's flashback of Mattias, arg, I had to stop myself whimpering at the end, and ** myself laughing earlier on. I can't help but adore the poor love...*sniffle*

The fights between Del Dorion and Kotac, and Angel and Hawk, really add to the overall theme of disorder and chaos, which is nicely juxtaposed in the more comic chapters.

I love it, I want more!

You know, you do have a knack for comedy - it's almost Pratchett-like in some places. But a little dirtier.

Okay - now that a suitable apology has been given, and the fact that I'm a sucker for Sil on any occasion...o.o

To be honest, you've rectified all the little niggles I'd seen beforehand, everything's coming together like pieces on a chessboard, and I'm still guessing if everyone's on the same side or not. Everything seems intricately interwoven, everyone's got a connection to someone else, frequently in very intimate places. *Grin*

Overall, it's all good, the dream sequences are, well, pretty indicative of what's to come, but nothing has been given away, just suggestested. A nice balance of narrative flow.

Looking forward to the next part...

There were some spelling mistakes, but still god chapter. I like how you made a conection in the story.

I'd review this, but to be honest, I'm too ** off at the moment. I may retry later on.

But for now: You want to kill a character, bring it up with the creator first.

A superb chapter again. I love your descriptions, as ever they are sublime.Every paragraph drips sensuality and decadence - a wonderful combination. I only hope that you can continue to write at this calibre.

Nitpicks as usual:

'huge blood red bed' Either use a hyphen or make 'blood red' all one word.

'outer most tips' Outermost is all one word.

'It was the perfect stereotype that house,' An extra comma after 'stereotype' and a semicolon instead of the comma after 'house' would probably make the sentence flow more easily.

'a sleek top of the range laptop' hyphens in the phrase 'top of the range' are required.

'a huge table is lain' I believe you mean 'laid' not 'lain'

'Candelabras heavy with flames' There's nothing intrinsically wrong with this sentence as per se, but it just seems slightly wrong. Try using the singular form of flames instead.

'decadently dressed, many look...' a semicolon instead of a comma is advisable here, or you could replace it with 'and'

'wine goblets filled with thick red liquid' perhaps the insertion of 'a' between 'with' and 'thick' would make the sentence flow more easily.

'and although it is not a formal gathering all turn to him as their Lord'A comma after the 'and' and another after 'gathering' would break the sentence up and make it easier to read.

'An orderly offer to fill...' I believe you mean 'offers'

'with a death pale hand' A hyphen should be added between 'death' and 'pale'

'Hazan Nunzio and knows...' A comma after Nunzio is advisable here.

'Not a girl, he can see clearly, and always has been able to, that his boy doesn't find any joy in that' This sentence is fractured and does not make sense. Try 'Not a girl, he can see that clearly and always has been able to - he knows his son finds no joy in that.' instead.

'and the Jendarme were alerted' I think you mean 'Gendarme' but I'm not entirely sure.

I will do more of this when I get the chance, I promise. Keep writing.

Very nice. So are all these characters conected to each other?

Okay, I'll try not to fanspazz for as long as possible, but I make no promises...

I've fallen in love with the sublime imagery you use, especially the dream sequences, you really capture the hallucinatiory qualities, very ethereal. I have to admit, it isn't a qualm, but whenever you slipped into the 1st person descriptive monologue, even though it makes the whole thing much more...interactive, I couldn't help but think of a Vincent Price monologue. Thus, I had problems as I giggled like a fool every sentence or so. The descriptions as well, everything just sounds so rich and luxurious, like everyone's been moulded in dark chocolate. M, that's a metaphor I wouldn't mind trying out with Nass, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I do have a few quibbles, though. For one, I think this was a little too long, although there wasn't any waffling or meandering about the plot, there was just so much to digest that I had to go back and cross-reference some points just to make sure I understood. Maybe if this was broken down into little nuggets, I'd be able to enjoy it more fluently, but there you go, that's just me. The other thing, and I know this sounds like a God-Angering hypocrisy, but so much sex! I mean I'm partial to yummyness, but there was sexuality dripping from almost every paragraph...eii, maybe I'm turning into a prude, but it'd be more...rewarding if it was let out drip-by-drip. There is such a thing as foreplay in literature, y'know.

Okay, fanspazz time.

*Flails wildly* OMFG T3H LOLZ! LIEK, 'CTFF' FANBOI-UBER-NESS!1!!one!

Okay. I'm all done.

Sorry...>.

I just love the descriptions here. You have a real talent for them, Silvan. This is also a very intriguing start, however there are a few mistakes that do detract from it:

'...underworld powers to the lowly skulking creatures' - this is just a little awkward - perhaps a better turn of phrase might be 'to the lowliest of skulking creatures.'

'to an off shoot...' - 'off shoot' is all one word.

'There not two hundred...' a comma after 'There' is required to make the sentence flow properly.

'see a figure swathed all in black, out of time...' the sentence here seems a little stilted, in my opinion, so perhaps some turn of phrase like 'a man out of a time gone by' instead of 'out of time' might work better.

'three piece suit' - I believe there should be a hyphen between the words 'three' and 'piece.'

'in the centre he rest's sleeve draped...' - 'rest's' should not have the apostrophe.

'cloud of white smoke' - there's nothing wrong with this as such, but I think that after the grandeur of your descriptions that it is rather crude - try calling it 'dreagonbreath' instead.

'A soft slow note...' a comma should be between 'soft' and 'slow.'

'...outer garments, boots included seem...' a comma should be inserted after 'included.'

'...open white mouth, colourless lips' - again, the sentence, considered as a whole, is stilted. Perhaps insert an 'and' instead of the comma.

'His hair sweeps the floor, loose and silver as the moon, shining even brighter than the stars can dare to dream.' Absolutely nothing wrong with this, it's just a wonderful and moving turn of phrase.

'...orbs of amethyst touched onyx. Blacker than...' - 'Amethyst touched' should be hyphenated, and the sentences should be joined with a comma - it will flow much more freely.

'champagne kisses' - again, a wonderful turn of phrase.

'Family holiday's in far-off...' again, no apostrophe in 'holiday's'

'Not as a student in any case.' A comma is required after 'student'

'...harshly sloping crazy paved...' - 'crazy paved' should be hyphenated.

'...bazaar of stone ware...' - 'stone ware' is all one word.

'hand knotted rugs' - do you mean 'knotted' or 'knitted'?

'...lusciously cool shady rests' - I think you're missing the word 'areas' after 'shady'

'Leopard like markings...' - 'Leapoard like' should again be hyphenated.

'long-ness of his legs' - an awkward turn of phrase, quite jarring in the paragraph. Try something like 'tempting length of his legs' instead - though this is just a suggestion.

'Razor edged jaw, something still...' Again, a hyphen between 'Razor' and 'edged'. Also, changing the sentence 'something still boyish and young about his face though.' to 'yet there is still something boyish and young about his face, though.' will make it flow more smoothly.

'...that he sleeps, he has finished' a semicolon may be better than a comma here.

'So I supposed it is only him' The tense change doesn't work - stick with 'suppose' instead of 'supposed.'

'and, empty handed with a pocket...' a comma after empty handed is required, and a hyphen between 'empty' and 'handed' might be advisable.

'...something about the way he moves, even in the intense...' a semicolon is again more advisable than the comma here.

'he has a calm cool about him' I think there is a missing word here, after 'cool' Possibly 'aura' or 'mien'?

'what little breeze there is, permeate...' A comma is not required here.

'richly deep as velvet' A better turn of phrase might be 'as rich and deep as velvet'

'His eyes...' Perhaps 'And his eyes...' might be more appropriate, in the context.

'Not just blue, but a blue that ranges...' Perhaps consider changing one of the blues to 'azure'

'in the high ceiling room...' This should be 'high-ceilinged'

'even sharper definition.' Perhaps after this line, in the break between paragraphs, you should insert some form of marker to indicate time passing.

'...that the locals do. Lemon water...' a colon instead of a full stop here will ensure the flow of the sentence.

'spill any down himself, good manners and...' Inserting the word 'all' after the comma will ensure the sentence makes sense.

'sticky slim fingers' - Try a comma between 'sticky' and 'slim'

'soft dreamless sleep.' Again, try a comma after 'soft'

'Black tongue draws...' An 'And' before the 'Black' would ensure that the sentence makes sense.

'Over clouded day in autumn.' Instead of 'over clouded', use 'overcast' or 'clouded-over'

'blood red sun' Either hyphenate 'blood red' or make it all one word.

'Office de Tourisme' I'm not expert at French, but I think it should be 'Office du Tourisme'

'vine covered arch' Again, a hyphen between 'vine' and 'covered' might be advisable.

'marbled floored café' It should just be 'marble'

'young, fresh face, and eyes that...' No comma is required after 'face'

'He yawns, it has been a...' A semicolon instead of the comma is probably more appropriate here.

'he too, at the same moment appears' Another comma is required after 'moment' if the sentence is to flow properly.

'He lack's no skill' Again, no apostrophe in 'lack's' is needed.

'with these flurries, for that would be...' Inserting a 'however' after the comma would make the sentence more complete.

'The man whose name he learns is Michael buys...' A comma after 'man' and also 'Michael' is advisable.

'coffee gone cold and still un-drunk...' 'Un-drunk' is all one word - no hyphen is required.

'...stretched in a lions yawn.' An apostrophe is required: 'lion's'

'piled high with a fry up...' A hyphen is needed between the words 'fry' and 'up'

'giving him an innocent playful look' - a comma is advisable between 'innocent' and 'playful'

'Dragon's breath rose in...' - 'Dragon's breath' is all one word without the apostrophe.

'No one meets anyone...' A hyphen is needed between 'No' and 'one'

'Rain happens my dear.' A comma is required after 'happens'

'The demon smiles,' A full stop is needed instead of a comma here.

'season's un-ripe crop' - No hyphen is required in 'un-ripe'. It is all one word.

'there is but one pension where...' This does not make sense. 'Pension' has nothing to do with any place where travellers can stay. try 'place' or 'building' instead.

'last stop of his year long journey.' A hyphen is required between 'year' and 'long'

Well, that was certainly a beautifully-contrived story, I must say. Please please please write more in this vein, soon. This was sheer brilliance, and all my little nitpicks were just that - little. This is a superb piece of work and deserves more recognition than it appears to have. You are definitely one to watch.

Keep writing...or else.

Very good. Though in some parts I couldn't keep up with the stories I still thought it was nicely written!