nice, i really love that first stanza

Rendering what people look for.

'a/shattered line./A connection.' - Is it even possible to see the line, to 'watch clear-eyed'? My English teacher asked about Azar Nafisi's 'different views of a chair' analogy, asked if God could know what the chair really is.

Sometimes ideas seem to work for us, sometimes not.

abrupt. violent. and yet smooth.

and how the hell does ANYONE use "passeth" in a poem without sounding stupid? anyone who can do that is undeniably a genius. i'll be lucky to be half as good as you are.

you are seriously the most talented person i have ever read. this whole thing, it's amazing. the format, the words, everything. ,.jxflejaotij. let's get married. mexico?

"inopprotune": should be inopportune.

I don't like the Old English bits very much - you know, doth, passeth, that sort of thing. It doesn't seem to fit. Maybe that was the point? In that case I don't get it.

But I liked the images you create in this - "midsummer sigh of the/milk and honey tone," "silk starry-eyed/evaluation," "the hand doth search for wet." It's all very pretty. The clipped, blunt lines are great too.

Hmm. I'm not sure what I think of the language in this piece. I'm not a huge fan of Old English language in poetry unless the poetry is from that time period. The short, choppy sentences are interesting, though. I like that style of writing. I can see where you're coming from with the Old English, though, because the poem's about religion, and if anything's going to be timeless, it's religion. Keep writing! :)

Midsummer sigh of themilk and honey .

this is sharp, strange, mysterious, and slightly tragic...its good.

Nice diction.

I like the whole feel of this . Beautiful.

I'm going to be completely honest, I had trouble figuring out what this was about. But the descriptions and adjectives were awesome.

If I had a gold star, I'd give it to you. But, like, I don't. So...yeah.