Please, I beg you, continue this story. I happen to now be madly in love with it. I'm eager to see how everything turns out, and you need to update for me to quench my curiosity. So update away!

oh. Hot and steamy! Yes! Now all we need is the sex...

Update soon.

when will you update?? T_T

Please review if you can! I need to know what happens. I miss Jareth!

Hello there. I found your story through a link at FP_Debate, I think. Honestly, your first chapter is putting me off for a series of reasons.

1) minor mistakes like using ''you're'' instead of ''your'' and a few others like these. Try to get someone to revise your work before you post it, because sometimes we miss little things that others may be able to point out.

2) way too much information at once. You have about four lines before you give us a look into the ''data'' about Susanne. Right now, I don't care about how she looks or how tall she is because I want to know more about her from the inside. There's little perspective in your characters in general.

3) internal monologues. This has been done so many times and it usually doesn't work out. The whole ''talking to yourself inside your head like it's someone else'' thing makes it hard to believe the character is even sane.

4) over analysis. So, she doesn't seem to know that well all the people at her high school, but she writes the data with things that would take a while to discover about someone. Can people actually get that much from first impressions or afar observation?

5) You're focusing too much on dialogues and datas and forgetting about descriptive narrative.

6) When you say ''book-ish'' is that supposed to mean she's a quiet, intelligent bookworm? Because she certainly doesn't sound like it.

I'll try to read more to see if the plot improves, because it seems like something shallow so far. Anyways, I hope you keep writing and improving.

This is an interesting story! I like it, I'll have to read more!

~Tzotel

Maybe I have a dirty mind but I really thought this chapter was going to be about comdoms. Hhehehe Trojans ... gee got excited about nothing.

I'm perfectly willing to beta for you if you're still looking for someone. You can PM me on here, or e-mail me at

I'm very fond of this story and am constantly looking for updates, so I'm really sorry about the hard copy and the computer copy, that has to majorly suck beyond reason.

rock on sister sledge

that's a pretty foul thing to happen. I always update my USB coz I'm so paranoid something liek that would happen. I would literally be beside myself. Lol.

Hope everything goes okay and i can't wait for more when you've finally sorted it out!

I vote for Jareth. Sizzling.

I like Will but there's no chemistry there.

Harley should be a hot crush type of thing. Look but don't touch. heheheheh

Just my opinions but however you mould it should be fine right.

hey, getting back to you on the beta thing...i can do that for you if you want.

I know how you feel, I hate it when that happens. Sorry you have to restart all over again, but I wish you luck with the story. It's already a hit and I'm sure it will be again. I'd love to be a beta, but if you have other people who want to be then I don't mind, I'll take no offence and put no pressure.
All the best with the restart, I'm sure it'll be even more fantastic.

wow i love this story!! and... susanne has the same bday as me! how cool! anyways...

i want to be a beta!
lol, haha
i love doing it though, if youre interested contact me at my profile. i SHOULD b eokay, since i took a university course in english even though im just in high school so PLEASE DONT tell me i blew all that money on nothing, lol
so yeah. get in touch soon if you need help!