Reviews for Not A Moment Too Soon

Reviews For: Not A Moment Too Soon - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

jekodama 2008-04-27 ch 3,	abuseBut in the end, I think it wasn't a dream. I mean, the old lady was an Omen-Godmother, and somehow she made all of those things happen for him to have the drive to change. My guess is that he was in fact run over by a Toyota Camry, but she somehow made his subconcious mind experience all of those things to ensure that he gained the will to change his life. I didn't like the little epilogue too much. It felt rushed, and it didn't have the same feeling as the rest of the story. I don't know, in spite of being such a short paragraph, it feels chopped, I didn't like it. I think that the part when his twin image shot him is like a representation of him killing his old loser self and accepting the need to change. That's what it means to me. I liked this story very much. It made me think a lot about human nature. In the end, I don't know if Georgina cheated on him or not. And even if she didn't, for what he said in his (let's call it "dream", shall we?) dream, he should break up with her, because he implied, several times, btw, that he didn't really care about her. Anyway, kudos for a great work! Jessica.
jekodama 2008-04-27 ch 2,	abuseGreat line, I loved it: "I was dead, I knew it, deader than a door nail that had been subjected to many years of harsh weather in the open. It was no use to complain, say anything, I was going to hell on the express train..." Total acceptance of his fate. Poor kid, he didn't have one ounce of willpower to change... :'( O-k... Waking up on an autopsy table is not the way ANYBODY would like to wake up. Yet instead of being an enlightening experience for him, it seems like he would actually prefer being dead... And what's with those doctors, whatever their title is? I would have died of shock if I saw someone rise from an autopsy table! He was supposed to be DEAD, people! SCREAM or something! I changed my mind, this is a better line: "Yep, it was just so happy looking, that it was damn depressing." No, wait, THIS is the best line ever: "Majority of us younglings are considered to not know anything, and adults don't know anything either; in which, I make the conclusion that nobody knows **." Oh, I'm so stealing that sentence! XD Wait, WHAT? Now he got stabbed? WTH?! really, that old lady brings bad luck! And now that I think about it: when Kevin asked the old lady if she knew Georgina, she told him that soon she would meet her... Hm... suspicious... Stupid Kevin, if he had more willpower, and more than that, the courage to change his life, he wouldn't be such a loser... But then again, if he wasn't a loser, then we would't be reading his story. I don't know why I always think about characters like they were real people. I might be insane.
jekodama 2008-04-27 ch 1,	abuseOH MY GOD! He found his girlfriend having sex with another man in HIS apartment, and he left her there to finish the deal? GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN! Did he not have balls or what? Na' guará! (interjection used in Venezuela to express astonishment) Anyway, moving on: That was sad, he realized that he was eventually going to break up but refused to acknowledge it. And the worst part is that he didn't even really like the girl! Saddest yet: "My life had always been shaped for the worst, everything I had always done was no good,". Wow, talk about low self-esteem! Oh... creepy old lady! I bet she's like a twisted fairy Godmother. Didn't she light his cigarette? then why did he have her lighter in his pocket? How did she put it there without him noticing? OUCH! Oh, my! Fairy Godmother is a murderer! I bet she was driving the jeep! XD There are so many things that are absolutely wrong with Kevin... Why would you calmly talk with your cheating partner and their lover? I personally think that beating the living crap out of them is more gratifying, but well... Alrighty, I'm gonna read the next chapter. For some reason I feel that this review is not that helpful, but I'm out of creative ideas right now...
Roman C Lee 2008-03-16 ch 3,	abuseThis story has a good message; i have an older brother as lazy and loozerish as it gets and i'm hoping some old lady might find him and give him the push he needs to fulfill his potential. thanks for the story!
Twilight Starr 2007-11-09 ch 3,	abuseNice job. I like how he changed at the end. :) ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2007-11-09 ch 2,	abusePoor guy. He is so unlucky. ~Twilight Starr~
Twilight Starr 2007-11-09 ch 1,	abuseIntriguing beginning. I like it so far. ^^ ~Twilight Starr~
The Breakdancing Ninja 2006-10-19 ch 3,	abuseAlright, let me write down a few thoughts that I had when I read this many a day ago. The concept of it being all a dream is something that (admittedly) I just gaped at. I basically said: "O no you di'in't!" Seriously, that totally ticked me off. It reminds me a lot of what Shakespeare does sometimes, where he has this play, right? Where an actor (who is a man) plays a woman who is playing a man, and then at the end, the actor comes out to remind the audience that he is a man playing a woman playing a man--what I mean is that, the mystery was tied up nicely and safely. I was so sad that the mystifying (and incredible experience) that you had Warren going through was totally obliterated by the fact that it was a dream. I mean, there are hints that it wasn't a dream after all, with the old woman being there and everything, but it still felt empty and devoid of the fulfillment that could've happened with just accepting the reality as it was. It had a great sequence, and it's only my opinion that the ending was corny. Seriously, I was totally ticked off. I loved the idea of Kevin being bombarded by all these phantasmas--and the strange, alienating nature of his experience was something I was just about to get over when all of a sudden I'm being babied again! I liked the awkwardness, the surreal realism. It felt so good! Okay, no more complaining. Let's not forget how great this story was. XD;; I want to talk briefly about a few points and move on to another piece before I lose my reviewing fire again! The idea of getting hit by a car (sudden reaction), then stabbed by someone else (confrontation) then committing suicide (contemplation-I think that's what happened, anyway) added the balance and sweetness of the actual piece. It--at a complete loss of eloquence--showed the various ways someone could get totally . The suicide was real in the way that... well, in Psychology, they say that a person will usually "wake up" before they see themselves die in a dream. That's why right when you're about to get eaten by a zombie, stabbed by your own sister, or maimed by zoo animals, you wake up breaking a cold sweat. In a way, Kevin Warren was tired of witnessing his own death, or in this case--when it really mattered, he "woke up" right in time. The story has a strange ambiguity to it, where it's not exactly a relief to wake up. That went beyond my expectations for this story. When I write, I can't ever leave that strange, alienating quality to my writing. I'm too trapped in a comfort zone to end in such a strange way, and that's why I admired Kevin Warren's questioning paranoia (and also the reason why I didn't enjoy the epilogue--but really! I'll stop complaining about that!). I felt it was a great reflection on Life; Life shows us our worst nightmare--sometimes in dreams, and sometimes in reality, and whether it's one or the other, we have to deal with it in order to survive. And the story is accomplished in another right--Kevin isn't waking up to a world where he has the most beautiful, smartest girlfriend in the world, he's not going to ride home to his million dollar mansion and yacht and loads of money, or be received by tons of people who love and admire him. He wakes up quietly and of his own accord, and even if there is no real incentive, he still goes on living anyway. I really felt that. I was debating with myself last week if I should write it all up, but I just kept thinking about it and what it meant for my own life, too. If I were Kevin Warren, cheating partner or not, would I still want to live? I was relieved to know that this story didn't endin complete tragedy, but the fairy godmother ending was like... okay! I'll stop, I'll stop. lmao ["Glad to see you're not such a hard shell to crack." The words of the older woman reaching me as she stood above me, I looked up at her with a blank expression.] This was a great analogy, because I saw Kevin in this manner. A fragile egg. And I loved the word "comeuppance"! I know it was only supposed to be chuckle humor, but it really made me laugh. [Losers like myself deserved to be alone, they deserved to get their comeuppance; they included me.] this was a clever, well-structured sentence. [she questioned me motherly,] It seems so awkward. I think of "motheringly" or something, even when I know it's not a word. I hear the old woman's voice to be like Maya Angelou's or... blast. What's her name? I might remember later. The talk about "reflection" was a far reach, especially the old woman's come back with "Reflected in how you take everything for granted" thing. It's a little awkward, but the use of the word "reflected" was necessary. It seemed like this story was a funhouse mirror put up to Kevin Warren's real life. It was so alienating, so wonderful! [It was known between the both of us that I didn't want to go up, there was nothing up there for me that I hadn't seen or experienced myself. I had been up there to witness it myself, and though I knew from all my happenings that it was hours later, I could admit to myself that I'd been wrong in the past about things. It had been proved many times before, and now would end up being another one of those times that I'd be wrong.] This was beautiful. Ah, the nostalgia of recalling how swept away I was with this chapter--this whole story! I think his reluctance to confront his apartment is much like an analogy of dealing with things in the heart, or issues "close to home". his fear is a lot like Donnie Darko's. they both go through the same repetition and experience traumatizing events, and the eventual choice is either: "Fear or love", and Donnie chooses "Love" after experiencing the product of his own fear many times through. He dies, of course. But he leaves a legacy behind of people who remember him even if they've never met him. Warren gets to live and suffer, which I guess is also a blessing. I'm not sure if I get the big picture? Was it all a misunderstanding? Did he just get Georgina all wrong or did he not love her enough? I don't understand what set off this chain of events, and if Georgina really was unfaithful or not. It wasn't clear to me. [Alright, let me write down a few thoughts that I had when I read this many a day ago. The concept of it being all a dream is something that (admittedly) I just gaped at. I basically said: "O no you di'in't!" Seriously, that totally ticked me off. It reminds me a lot of what Shakespeare does sometimes, where he has this play, right? Where an actor (who is a man) plays a woman who is playing a man, and then at the end, the actor comes out to remind the audience that he is a man playing a woman playing a man--what I mean is that, the mystery was tied up nicely and safely. I was so sad that the mystifying (and incredible experience) that you had Warren going through was totally obliterated by the fact that it was a dream. I mean, there are hints that it wasn't a dream after all, with the old woman being there and everything, but it still felt empty and devoid of the fulfillment that could've happened with just accepting the reality as it was. It had a great sequence, and it's only my opinion that the ending was corny. Seriously, I was totally ticked off. I loved the idea of Kevin being bombarded by all these phantasmas--and the strange, alienating nature of his experience was something I was just about to get over when all of a sudden I'm being babied again! I liked the awkwardness, the surreal realism. It felt so good! Okay, no more complaining. Let's not forget how great this story was. XD;; I want to talk briefly about a few points and move on to another piece before I lose my reviewing fire again! The idea of getting hit by a car (sudden reaction), then stabbed by someone else (confrontation) then committing suicide (contemplation-I think that's what happened, anyway) added the balance and sweetness of the actual piece. It--at a complete loss of eloquence--showed the various ways someone could get totally . The suicide was real in the way that... well, in Psychology, they say that a person will usually "wake up" before they see themselves die in a dream. That's why right when you're about to get eaten by a zombie, stabbed by your own sister, or maimed by zoo animals, you wake up breaking a cold sweat. In a way, Kevin Warren was tired of witnessing his own death, or in this case--when it really mattered, he "woke up" right in time. The story has a strange ambiguity to it, where it's not exactly a relief to wake up. That went beyond my expectations for this story. When I write, I can't ever leave that strange, alienating quality to my writing. I'm too trapped in a comfort zone to end in such a strange way, and that's why I admired Kevin Warren's questioning paranoia (and also the reason why I didn't enjoy the epilogue--but really! I'll stop complaining about that!). I felt it was a great reflection on Life; Life shows us our worst nightmare--sometimes in dreams, and sometimes in reality, and whether it's one or the other, we have to deal with it in order to survive. And the story is accomplished in another right--Kevin isn't waking up to a world where he has the most beautiful, smartest girlfriend in the world, he's not going to ride home to his million dollar mansion and yacht and loads of money, or be received by tons of people who love and admire him. He wakes up quietly and of his own accord, and even if there is no real incentive, he still goes on living anyway. I really felt that. I was debating with myself last week if I should write it all up, but I just kept thinking about it and what it meant for my own life, too. If I were Kevin Warren, cheating partner or not, would I still want to live? I was relieved to know that this story didn't endin complete tragedy, but the fairy godmother ending was like... okay! I'll stop, I'll stop. lmao ["Glad to see you're not such a hard shell to crack." The words of the older woman reaching me as she stood above me, I looked up at her with a blank expression.] This was a great analogy, because I saw Kevin in this manner. A fragile egg. And I loved the word "comeuppance"! I know it was only supposed to be chuckle humor, but it really made me laugh. [Losers like myself deserved to be alone, they deserved to get their comeuppance; they included me.] this was a clever, well-structured sentence. [she questioned me motherly,] It seems so awkward. I think of "motheringly" or something, even when I know it's not a word. I hear the old woman's voice to be like Maya Angelou's or... blast. What's her name? I might remember later. The talk about "reflection" was a far reach, especially the old woman's come back with "Reflected in how you take everything for granted" thing. It's a little awkward, but the use of the word "reflected" was necessary. It seemed like this story was a funhouse mirror put up to Kevin Warren's real life. It was so alienating, so wonderful! [It was known between the both of us that I didn't want to go up, there was nothing up there for me that I hadn't seen or experienced myself. I had been up there to witness it myself, and though I knew from all my happenings that it was hours later, I could admit to myself that I'd been wrong in the past about things. It had been proved many times before, and now would end up being another one of those times that I'd be wrong.] This was beautiful. Ah, the nostalgia of recalling how swept away I was with this chapter--this whole story! I think his reluctance to confront his apartment is much like an analogy of dealing with things in the heart, or issues "close to home". his fear is a lot like Donnie Darko's. they both go through the same repetition and experience traumatizing events, and the eventual choice is either: "Fear or love", and Donnie chooses "Love" after experiencing the product of his own fear many times through. He dies, of course. But he leaves a legacy behind of people who remember him even if they've never met him. Warren gets to live and suffer, which I guess is also a blessing. I'm not sure if I get the big picture? Was it all a misunderstanding? Did he just get Georgina all wrong or did he not love her enough? I don't understand what set off this chain of events, and if Georgina really was unfaithful or not. It wasn't clear to me. [Only this time, instead of feeling anticipation, or dread as I had before, I felt tired. Tired of everything, tired of this boring life I led, tired of the betrayal I'd dealt with, just damn tired period. There hadn't been a time in my life that I hadn't been more tired than I was now. I was so tired that the thought of changing actually appealed to me... for this second alone.] I usually squelch this kind of repetition, but I guess it's okay; it's building up to a strange, slow climax. I mean, I thought he was going to get murdered, or he was going to see a totally weird-crazy picasso version of his girl cheating on him, and that this time he was gonna go postal. I didn't expect that he would shoot himself; I guess, though, after this part with the being tired, it's totally understandable. lmfao a Toyota Camry. classic! This story was depressing, but exhilarating. I don't know if I ever want to go through it again with the same intensity, but it was amazing to read. I thikn because of the psyche behind Warren, which was never over-explained. He was actually pretty oblivious and stubborn. His personality, even if it was depressing, wasn't a drag and it wasn't over-bearing. his thoughts went a mile a minute and it was hard for me to pick up. I keep thinking about that moment he got stabbed, he was thinking more about his shirt as if it's the only good thing he had before it too got ruined. Does that really happen to people? Do people really feel like that, I mean? I'm asking it in a sort of way where I know it does, but I kind of wish it didn't. This story was really heavy-handed--loaded with things to think about. I might read it again in the near future for leisure, when I discuss it with M.L. It was so disturbing and hard to understand that I consulted my English professor (but I think I already wrote that, right? In the first chapter? I hope so). I updated him to let him know what happened, but he had no thoughts on it, except to say: "That's a lot of wishful thinking." And I was completely puzzled. I thought about it more and I still disagree. The internal processes that go into story writing often have a strange methology for problem set-up and solution (if a story happens to have a sort of solution, as opposed to a conclusion). It's going to stay imprinted on my brain. I'm so glad I got to write up this review. I think I'll do the next one at home instead of here at the CC Lab. A challenging, excellent read. in the favorites it goes! It might have to replace "How William Shakespeare Came to an End", but I sort of don't want to. One short piece and one long piece, how is that? Rock on, CS!
M.R.Sanner 2006-10-11 ch 3,	abuseThis was really an excellent read ! Eh some people are just slow and don't catch on to the smaller things , or don't make the connection , so good thing you did put that in the authors note . Over all I really liked this . It is extremly hard to find any kind of story that actually has a deeper meaning like this .
M.R.Sanner 2006-10-11 ch 2,	abusewow another death in such a short time ! Ha , I think If I was those morticiansp people I would crap my pants . I like this chapter better then the first one .
M.R.Sanner 2006-10-11 ch 1,	abuseThis was very ...enjoyable to read .
The Breakdancing Ninja 2006-10-01 ch 2,	abuseJust something technical. When asked what is in the bag, Kim responds with: "Dead kid, he got run over by a jeep." I mean, he's already being laid out on a table, so obviously he must be dead. The kid run over by a jeep part was hilarious, but how about: "Hit and run. A jeep." Or something pseudo-professional like that? And holy crap, that really sucks. I mean, Warren already has enough trouble, and here he is, still alive. XD! Talk about dead pan humor. Poor guy. [Everybody thought simply because we were dead, we didn't feel anything, but I had felt everything.] This was great. I mean, it seems like the only time anyone even remotely respects the dead is at their funerals. But the whole process before and after is just the worst. [I'd felt when the jeep had ran over my body, giving me a headache when its metal intestines had continuously made music with my skull;] Great description. I thought that too when I was kid, that the underside of a car looked like guts. LOLOL!! holy CRAP. God Jesus, these people--Warren asks them where the exit is, and they just POINT it out to him instead of helping him the hell out. Holy crap. And figures, his new sneakers would get ruined. Man, poor guy. [I recalled all of these things that were worthless to me, because I was worthless to myself, I scratched my head.] This is a good insight. I think it's true, that a person's self-perception can affect the way they see everything else. ["I caught my girlfriend cheating on me- Not that I care. Got ran over by a jeep, busted up my sneakers, tore my shirt, was pronounced dead, and all of this happened after meeting you today within an hour."] LOL oh god I'm so confused. I don't know whether I should find all this funny or sad, I'm so confused. [Her laughter behind me, forcing me to walk alittle faster in order to get away from her,] *a little. [The nerve of her, to say that for years I hadn't thought anything intelligent... but it was true. I hadn't cared in the last few years to think anything, being a loser was my life, I had always been that way and didn't plan on changing...] I think his perception of himself as a loser is to escape resonsibility. It's like a strange comfort zone. When a person is devoid of thinking, their life situation becomes an acceptable routine. Holy hell. this seems like a version of my story. granted, a much better, polished, sophisticated and meaningful version of my story. See, this is what I was TRYING to accomplish with "The Unfortunate and Completely Unorthodox Deaths of Hymen". But it never made it the whole way because it was possibly two years ago when I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Well, I still sort of don't know what I'm doing--like how dancing and playing sports look easy when you're watching TV, but when you do it yourself, it's not easy anymore? Yeah. This inspires me to fix my underdeveloped, and embarrassingly primitive story. God. Glory. [This was all Georgina's fault, she was the cause of all of these incidents happening to me.] Of course, the first person a loser blames is someone else. BUT! At least he also blames himself--I don't think he's a real loser if he knows the true problem resides in him. [Had I not been such a loser and not said anything to her, this wouldn't have happened.] I think he does have a change in him that the old woman suggested he did. She's close enough to a device for the story, to help the reader along--except that she is an oracle, which is why I can't totally devalue her as a story element. She is the symbol of an inherent, wisdom-filled presence that gives the story balance. If it was all Warren, the story would feel hopefless, blind and lacking direction. No, actually, I think the narration would take on the old woman's qualities. Well, I can't be too sure of this, but I feel it would be like that. The bulk of your stories have a good sense of balance, intution and aesthetic qualities that mesh together to give it the transcendental quality that it has. This is an interesting story--I noticed from the summary that it only has three chapters, which sort of makes me sad. But, this was really enjoyable to read. I was scared it was going to spiral into oblivion, but it has this quick-paced, dead pan humor which unsettles me in a way. Because, it's like, sad. But it's funny. god, I'm so confused. Ugh. It was so fun to read, though. It'll go in my favorites. I just cleaned out my favorites today so that every author only has one story. But I can't help it! I'm sure the next chapter will be as enjoyable.
The Breakdancing Ninja 2006-09-27 ch 1,	abuseI'm just going to jot a few quick ideas down that I received from reading this story. Actually, let me first talk about the prologue. This is going to be one of those morbidly sad stories. See, morbid and sad for me is probably a little different than what most people is morbidly sad for others. When a person is "preordained" to live the life of a loser, I feel that something in his mental processes has disavowed him from ever fighting against it. The story sets it down in stone: He is and will always be a loser (or in a Native American tense, he is living as a loser--past, present, future). Something about the omniscience of the actual story seems morbidly sad to me. As if he has no chance to break out of this preordinance (kind of like a priest's vow of chastity). Something in the character has given up, and something in the story is hardening him. I mean, I don't expect it to be Hollywood, where he makes a total 180 (you don't write Hollywood stories anyway), but I have this personal sympathy for him. He has little mobility. I liked the sweetness and sharpness of the prologue. It's very detached. It's informing. It's like, an encyclopedia page. And this Kevin Warner guy embodies what a "loser" is. Though, I don't find him to be a loser, even from the prologue. I think something else is the matter. He sees signs of the breakup, but does nothing about it. He's a lot like Justin in the beginning, who feels like in the universal scheme of things, he deserves whatever the hell is coming and does little in the way of actually fixing it. This stoicism in a character, this indifference is the direct product of a lacking emotional component to respond to things in a "normal" way. Something in his past has severed this emotional response and turned him into a human potato. I'll be looking forward to what kind of story this will unravel as. [My life had always been shaped for the worst, everything I had always done was no good, even my girlfriend; a girlfriend that I could care less for. ] LOL the structure of this sentence was funny... but sad. The language is interesting, too. [There was no difference, she was exactly the same as all the other women I had dated in the past few years; they liked me for my facial features. They even possibly thought that because I carried myself with an air of depression, they could help me by healing the pain within me, if there was any. The pain they saw in me was the image of the real me, a loser.] This was excellent. Okay, so we're getting a good idea about his personality, his outlook (especially concerning women) and what he must look like. Probably a more sophisticated glumness. He says that the real pain that is inside of him is that of him being a loser. I like his honesty, but maybe he doesn't even realize why he THINKS he's a loser. And why does he date these shallow women? Sure, they like him for his looks, but why does he even entertain them? [I smiled easily.] I like this description a lot. [Majority of the time I had some person saying something out of place to me.] Lol He's just covering up for a device to help get the narration moving into a next scene of dialogue. The sentence structure of the piece is unique. A little bit distracting, but only because it's something new for me. I'm not correcting it because I don't think it's a matter of grammar. You have all the poetic license you need when you're doing creative writing, so as long as it is effective, useful and not so distracting, I'll let it go. Unless you tell me to tighten the noose, then I 'll start going off left and right. I just don't want to kill the piece with corrections that are really nothing more than alternate suggestions. You just seem to have a lot of subordinate clauses followed by independent ones scattered throughout every paragraph where Kevin interacts with the old woman. I think some of the sentences could be said straight through and in a more clear, efficient way. I like this old woman. This seer. [Georgina wasn't my worries at the moment, I had known for the longest that she was working over time in the sexual department, but hadn't thought to confront her.] This might be the by-product of creative license, but it's weird. I don't know, I kept looking back at it. "wasn't my worries at the moment" really gets to me. If there's a colloquial way he can say it without being too like... broken, I'd feel a lot better. [All I wanted to do was get my head clear so I could continue on as my loser routine,] This I can see as "continue on WITH my loser routine". [I wasn't going to have that on my conscious today, not when I had one.] Confusing. *conscience. And I think you meant to say "not when I had none". [I was going to go home, sit in the living room while Georgina finished what she found to be real pleasure, then we'd talk, the three of us. Her, her lover, and me.] Dude. Borderline emotional masochism. What is wrong with you, Kevin? OH man, the woman's lighter = car crash. XD! + + + I've always enjoyed the sound nature of your narrations, because they seem to me a lot more mature, well-rounded, honest and objective. He really sounds like a guy (I love the male perspective), which is definitely a plus. I'm reading an irritating story called Johnny and Mary by citrusscented (who is an awesome poet, even though I haven't actually reviewed any of her poetry pieces). It's in my favorites because of Mary, but Johnny is just like = writer fantasy. drgihajhs He's such a girl dream. But this Kevin character really has caught my attention. I really feel bad for him, which doesn't usually happen. He's unique in the way that he transcends the realm of physical desire. He's emotionally impotent, so the appeal isn't his gloom or his sexuality, but his complex. Your writing has this sound, aesexual quality to it that pretty much stays away from all that sexual angst. It's something that I want to accomplish one day, too. Maybe by reading into your work more, I can definitely get a hang on it. I'm going to go each lunch. Probably two more chapters this weekend. I owe 24 like two whole chapters already, especially with taking the pains to deal with Justin and Kid on a weekly basis. XD;;
Kyle Muntz 2006-09-16 ch 3,	abuseWhile this was fairly good, I fail to see just how it changed his life. After all, he died, but realy, what else did he do? Oh well... Whatever. I enjoyed the story, especially when I was trying to figure out what was going on. Also, I broke out laughing at the prolougue, when he found his girlfriend "eagerly devouring some other man's genetalia". This was a good story; well worth the read.
InViSiBlE wOmAn 2006-09-04 ch 3,	abusekool I like it no critisism couldn't find one thing wrong with it

Return to Top