oh for crying out loud, get over yourself! "but i am a talented actress. i told therapists what they wanted to hear." "i stopped being a child." this is crap. come down off your cross and use it as a bridge to GET OVER IT.

Can I tell you a story?

I actually have no idea how I stumbled across this piece. But I'm so thankful that I did. It's (to borrow an overused cliche saying) opened my eyes.

I think you and I are alike in many ways. Our younger years were tormented by family and we hurt ourselves because of it.

I was abused by my grandfather starting at age 6 and ending at age 10. Can't parents be so oblivious sometimes? I don't want to sound like some whining emo kid, but...it really hurts to look back on it, you know?

My parents never helped. I thought that they knew about what was happening the entire time and that's why I never told them anything. I totally understand what you mean by blaming yourself. I mean, being a kid, doesn't every kid see their grandparents in a white light?

I...I thought what he was doing was punishment...he wouldn't tell me what. I asked him all the time "Did I do something wrong? Does God want to punish me?". He would just laugh and continue.

He was arrested afer trying to pull the same thing on my older cousin at a family reunion. After that, my family never spoke of it. My mom had told me to never to tell anyone that my Poppa was in jail. Or why. But I didn't even know the reason. I mean, I still thought then that he was punishing me, that I deserved it.

But for a reason that I never knew.

He's just been diagnosed bipolar. But it doesn't excuse him. I remember one time he told me that he was God and that he was punishing me. He said that he was superior than all others and that I should just give in.

I did.

He gets out of prison later this year. Something tells me that I should hate him. But...is it wrong that I don't?

A friend of mine whom I counsel with...he told me that the fact that I don't hate my Poppa has opened a door for God to work in my life. God's going to heal me.

It's horrifying...the statistics of sexual abuse. But I can't imagine how many of the incidents are uncounted because of shame, fear, or...maybe self-loathing. I don't know.

This turned into a rant. I'm sorry for taking up your time.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that. But you know...you're not alone, as Amanda illistrates. Those boys have no right to have haunted you. And neither do all the other sick people out there.

You're an amazing writer. Maybe someday you could write a book...something that people who have gone through things like this can relate to.

I'll be praying for you.

God bless you,

Jenny

Wow. You went through so much, and yet you came out better than almost all people. You are so strong, to be who you are now. Good job with this, your writing is amazing, and so is your story.

Amazing, absolutely amazing,
~Ginny

Wow. I am so in awe of you for all of that. I want to say some cliche thing like you are older than your years but I hate that saying.

I am glad that you have been able to overcome your past. It is hard thing to do- to realize where the blame really is and to stop blaming yourself.

And congratulations on your current life. I hope it continues to go as well and I hope you continue to write. I could never be this eloquent.

Wow... You are so brave to bear your soul like this in writing. I'm very proud of you, very very proud of you. What you went through was SO much, more than anyone had ever been through, and yet you pulled through and you're getting better. Congrats, you really deserve praise! I'm going through a very rough time right now, and it's nice to know that people who've gone through worse are pulling through. Your story gives so many people hope. Good job, and keep having faith!