Oh, wow! This was really good! You're good at fanfiction. Poor Lily and James...

I don't know about this one... the first half was really good but then the last part seemed a little rushed. I don't know.

Hm...I dunno...

Your writing is enjoyable and exciting, but there are a couple of problems. You don't have any description--the story is 80% dialogue. This is an affliction in any story. Also, James would *never* hit Lily, and Lily would never stand for it if he did. OoC is a valid branch of fanfiction, but you probably should have given a warning.

Let me see...looking over it again, I am still enjoying your story. Knowing the end seems to add to the suspense rather than taking away from it. I like your explanation for why the house was destroyed. I think the last chapter is my favorite.

You clearly have talent and I would love to see some stories from you with description in them!