FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Midnight In Eden 2007-02-17 ch 1,  | abuseFew observations: I think the "dead" in reference to "corpse" is a little superfluous since a corpse is a dead person. Also I'd recommend against following the tradition of capitalising the first word of each line here, it just doesn't feel like it meshes with the content. In line two as well I think you mean "flowers" instead of "flower". Perhaps in line four "apologies" might work better than "sorrys". Otherwise, short but to the point piece. Effective. .:midnight:. |