Nice poem. Original title.

~Twilight Starr~

I like this, but the last line seems a bit strange. I think it's the use of "sweetness" early in the poem and then "sweetener" as the last word. I think this would be much better if you chose to use something like "Sweet N Low" or some other brand of artificial sweetener. Ooh, yes, I like Sweet N Low there. Something to consider. Keep writing! :)

this is very interesting. i wasnt following it at the end the first time i read it but i think i get it. it's a nice poem.

Guh.

So ** amazing.

Can I say that enough? It's amazing; so beautiful and powerful and just.so.amazing. Lovely, lovely.

~* Noelle

I love the mocking narrative voice here. Lovely.

marie