Excellent. There's some very intense phrasing here. It's a little cluttered, but that's the format you were going for. Love the emphasis on "existed".

Strong imagery, powerful rhythm and contrasting ideas... all with your amazing formatting. Love it.

-Anna

This is one of my most ultimate favorite things I've ever read. It literally left me breathless and I especially love the violent kisses/acid rain lines. Strikingly beautiful, nothing less.

Beautiful imagery. I love the anaphora of "he was, he was..." It really adds a lot to the flow.

love it. "straight-through staresthat meant too much"--you have just said what i have thought too many times.

Even if it is similar to he was velvet you defintely add your own spin to it with a stronger flow and rhyme scheme.

And it's beautiful, by the way.

It burns with clarity and raw power. The rhyming in this is subtle, but it creates such an impact. I'm enthralled.

this is nicely done. i especially like "he was seconds before sunrise, and he was pretending all along." this piece has a good rhythm to it.

This has flawless flow. I started highlighting my favorite lines... and realized I had the whole poem selected. :P But I did manage to narrow it down!

"he was death, he was desire, he was silk, tears, blood and fire" I just love the melt in your mouth perfection of that.

"he was liquor hair and tragic endings he was seconds before sunrise, and he was pretending" These are some of the most beautiful descriptions I've read in ages.

"he was black paint on the walls and the romance we never knew e x i s t e d" Nothing to say but I love it.

It is quite similar to citrus' poem (which I adore) but it did have it's own unique spin and some of those brilliant lines were yours. So good on you! Keep writing. ^_^

I love it. I just love it. it's gorgeous. it's amazing. I'll go read that other poem now.

I think this is pretty bloody good. The one line that seems to really screw up the rhythm for me is "in the clutch of acid rain" which doesn't really fit with the flow. Other than that, I like it.

i love it. it's just beautiful. it's going on my faves. i truly dont know what else to say, but it's brilliant...

I couldn't really appreciate it because it was just too close to He Was Velvet, and I love that poem so I dunno...but if it's personal I guess I can understand writing something like that.

Beautiful, a little off at times, but I accualy like that. Too much flow CAN be good, but a little out of the ordinary has become increasingly apealing to me. Anyways, I liked it quite a bit

Ajax

This really worked for me. Like, it flowed wonderfully, but it's one of those peieces taht just totally inspire you and you're not quite sure what to do. Write, or weep. Great, really, great.