Reviews for Power of the Shadows

Reviews For: Power of the Shadows - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

Arabea 2008-06-30 ch 14,	abuseOkay, that so can't be the end...I really love the story though! Definitely don't abandon it!
Arabea 2008-06-30 ch 12,	abuseAction-packed awesomeness! lol - great chapter!
Arabea 2008-06-28 ch 11,	abuseGreat story so far. Can't wait to finish it!
Arabea 2008-06-27 ch 8,	abuseI liked the story. lol.
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 7,	abuseI sure hope it's not another magical school story. I'm kinda tired of those. this is a great story so far!
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 6,	abuseGeez...make it sound like the old woman is selling him into slavery. That would seriously scare me half to death though, being dragged off the god knows where with a bunch of stragers. Awesome story!
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 5,	abuseI would never want to be blonde! Blech! I'll stay with my brown hair, thanks. Although, if I ended up in that place, I suppose I would have to die my hair, too. Damn.
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 4,	abuseWell, that sucks. It's kind of ultimatum-ish. Actually, I would probably be phsyced to stay there. Reality is for squares!
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 3,	abuseGah! I wouldn't want anybody sticking their hands in my head! So creepy! Cool chapter.
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 2,	abuseIs it just me, or is the whole randomly appearing in a magical world thing kind of cliched? It was good though, don't get me wrong!
Arabea 2008-06-26 ch 1,	abuseAw, I hate bad guys who refuse to die! They're so annoying...great prologue though!
KuroKage1717 2007-07-19 ch 14,	abusegettin' more interesting by the chapter. can't wait to see what happens in the advanced combat class. i bet derrick gets the living marhsmallows beaten out of him. :D
L Mirabeau 2007-07-17 ch 13,	abuseThe story ran smoothly enough; I wouldn't worry about being rusty. Mistakes can be fixed, writing can be polished - what is more of a problem is when you start have characters acting inconsistently or the like - and you don't have any problems there. the characters are well done, believable, and behave consistently (ok, i don't mind characters being a little unpredictable, but in some stories it's excessive) Anyhow, i didn't notice any major problems with the writing. on the contrary, it was good. please keep writing, as this story is really enjoyable, i swear (at least, in my opinion, it's excellent). You don't end each chapter with a cliffhanger like other authors do, but the story is interesting because you keep introducing new things (the whole combat stuff). Besides, this chapter, the fight, was fun. "revising my plot" So you do have some greater direction worked out for the story? i don't mind meandering a while at the school -- so far it's been interesting! -- and there are still many things about the place, and the world it's in, which are unclear, and curiosity-enticing. I do hope there is some long term plot (i think there will be. i mean, those shadowhairs, the chances are they'll be coming back... the chances are too, that derrick gets himself into some trouble. If he's unlucky, they might even find out he has black hair. There's a chance he has magic too... there's his quest to return home... etc So it's not like you're parched for possibilities. please keep writing. i'm really enjoying it.
KuroKage1717 2007-07-11 ch 13,	abuseheh...i had forgotten about this story. it's good to see that you're still alive and still writing, XD.
L Mirabeau 2007-04-23 ch 12,	abuseyou edited? huzzah. people who edit are excellent. "If I remember correctly, you were the only one who felt the place needed to be livened up." said Taden who had begun retaliating by flicking Cassia in the back of the head. i may just have a shoddy memory but when i read this, i was like 'huh'. cause the thing he's retaliating against was like way back, and i had to glance back to actually see what it was. maybe you should specify what he's retaliating against (her poking him). "Derrick through his hand up as a bright flame appeared next to him." threw "The flame decreased slightly until he could make out Torch grinning sheepishly behind it as everyone rubbed their eyes trying to get rid of the light burned into their vision." good description at the end. i knew exactly what you meant (that bastard afterimage thingummy) ""Alright, let's go!"" some people dom't like alright (they prefer all right). but scrap that. if you google it you get 30 million hits, so in my book it's a word. english is a living language, after all. so i'm alright with it. "Emira was looking from where they fell as the others picked themselves up and started brushing dirt off their robes." looking up, right? I've got to say, i really like your dialogue. it's incredibly natural. congrats (should be easy to write natural dialogue, hey? but so many people don't seem to be able to... my dialogue is pretty stilted, and there are some who have mega-unnatural dialogue) ""Wait, what happened the first couple of time you tried?"" times "and getting part of his robe set on fire by a red haired boy that had been emitting sparks" who had been emitting sparks. the poor boy's not an object. "Derrick stopped cold, his grin disappearing from his face. Idiot! How could you forget? This may be your only chance to get out of the Academy unnoticed!" i'm an idiot too, i didn't realise till he did. great moment btw. "Derrick smiled slightly before quickly stepping int and driving the palm of his hand into the man's nose. " 'stepping int'? huh? 'driving the palm of his hand into the man's nose.' hmm. sounds like our derrick's had a bit of self-defence training. or martial arts? "as the man frantically tried to put his clothes out. " you can (and should imo) put 'he' the fight was great. eg. "Fight dirty, the only unfair fight is the one you lose." lol. i always thought the majority of martial arts quotes were along the lines of 'be at one with the world' etc etc. this one sounds much better. i also like the fact that this situation/outcome is feasible. so often they're just completely over the top (whereas, with derrick's experience, they shouldn't be) but you've done something fairly realistic. i also love his reaction afterwards - goes to help the girl out without thinking, then feels embarrassed afterwards when he realises she could have taken care of herself. but she should be touched. i mean, he's done a good job considering he doesn't have any power (that he can use). "Derrick turned to confront the last attacker only to find him buried to the neck in the earth looking nervously at Emira " don't quite get this. buried how? huh? to his neck? but he can see? maybe you should rephrase "ignoring Derrick's protests that Emira did a lot too. The girl kept silent during the exchanged, seeming amused by Derrick's embarrassment." 'emira had done a lot too' 'exchange' characters are really starting to take shape (elyx 'we got ambushed' hm not quite sure that was how it was. and all the pranks. emira too seems to be becoming more definite too) overall, there are some awkward phrasings here and there (and plain old mistakes and typos, which aren't really a problem) eg." though Derrick could not see any source for such light to be coming from." could be phrased better. however, dialogue is good, characters are coming along (i have no idea how plot is coming along because i don't happen to know what you've got planned...i expect he'll stay at the school, then stuff'll happen, then more stuff and we'll get to the climax, during which time he may leave the school? just so long as you don't stagnate at the academy, it's fine) i'm also getting an idea of this world they live in. it's a little disturbing. you get carted off against your will to join the academy, the students are basically locked in, the city has sentries and harsh punishments for intruders, they kill shadowhaired babies on birth... while there are certainly some good aspects (derrick's friends, the music), it strikes me as too authoritarian for my taste. it will be interesting to see how it pans out. (oh, btw, is there also some kind of quasi-class discrimnation going on with hair colour? like what percentage of people would be like, oh, your hair's white so you're a weak loser?)

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