Dish man?? haha that makes me laugh the power of dishes. Love it. Review me please.

I have to admit, the title of this story made me a bit skeptical. Not because it's a bad title (I thought it was rather clever, actually), but I couldn't figure out what it was in the supernatural category.

I am SO glad I decided to give it a read. I love the concept of Jebediah being a superhero not knowing how to use his powers. I know you said you weren't sure where you got the idea, but I'm glad you did - it's a really interesting premise for a story.

Also, I love the fact that you've given him such a menial job. You'd almost expect a superhero to be doing something really important, like saving innocent men from death row or something. But no, he's just a dishwasher (which sucks, by the way. I feel really bad for him.).

And I love the names you've given everyone. Some people really know how to pick names, and I think you're one of them. It kind of bothers me when authors pick these ridiculously complicated, unpronounceable names. Yours are interesting, but simple. Good for you.

I'm eager to see where this goes, because I really enjoyed it. I'll be back for seconds, for sure. And I promise not to dirty any dishes in the process.

Cheers,
Sammy

OH!

Wah? Um, I'm confuzzled! Darius and Nikolai are related to her? Related to her how?? I want answers. I even skipped back to look for clues; and there were no clues. None. Nothing.

And I don't like Garen even if he does loves her, he's...just ick, he should just fly away. How did she react to him saying that though? You didn't put her reaction, and I wanted to know too. Was she thinking along the lines of like...? 'Aw- ah well' or 'Aw, I feel the exact same way' OR 'Oh, my God...I feel the same but I have to go' ? And even when they met up at the house she didn't even say anything regarding the 'I love you', obviously she has bigger fish to fry, but there was like no awkwardness. Wouldn't you be kind of awkward around someone who had just said 'I love you' and you had just walked away from them?

Anyway, update soonish.

Why did the Nefarious kill her family? Did they pose some sort of a threat? Or was it just for fun? You know, like how supervillains get their kicks??

Oh yeah, you put "Darius ran his house with an iron hand..." don't you mean 'fist'?

And, okay, so Liana doesn't want Jeb to fight Darius because she fears he'll be killed, but then she goes and tells him that Darius' brother Nikolai killed his parents...does she not expect him to not react in some way? Like wanting to fight Nikolai and getting his revenge. Does she not fear that Nikolai will kill/hurt Jeb? Ah, it seems kind of odd to me that she would tell him that at all, seemed like a bad time to drop that one, though I am interested in what Jeb says.

Anyway, Interesting chapter and I hope you update soonish :)

Ciao.

Sorry, I did read this earlier but I forgot to review and now since I'm online I'll review :) Thanks for reminding me. Liana's mood changed pretty fast, one minute she was chuckling and the next she was angry, lol. Wow, talk about mood swings! Oh yeah, when you wrote "Nefarious's" there isn't really a need to write the additional 's', unless you want the word to look awkward.
Anyway, who is that Darius guy? Why does he feel the need to call Liana "my pet"? I'm intrigued, lol. I want to know more about him, I need more information. Good chapter though make them longer if you can, and I shall be happy :)

Update as soon as you can :)

Good for him! Finally pulling of his 'phasing out' out power Lol. I feel a bit sorry for Jeb though, with the whole Garen and Liana thing, poor bunny. I think Liana is a bit slow to not know that Jeb's jealous, but I guess even the best of us miss the obvious at some point. Ah well, good chapter.

Good Chapter, though I do wish it was longer, like just a little bit longer, lol. Oh I found something that didn't quite sound right, it was in the first paragraph. “Is this is what’s going to happen with everyone I save?” I think if you got rid of the second 'is' it would sound okay. I'm glad Jeb is making progress with Liana, and I can't believe she just agreed to go on a date with Garen like that, lol. I thought Jeb would say more on the matter when Liana told him but ah well, lol. I wonder how the date will go. Anyway, update as soon as you can and I'll make sure I review as soon as I can.

Ciao.

This chapter went way too fast I think, maybe you could have drawn out the conversation between Garen and Jeb a bit longer? There's nothing gravely wrong with it though it's just that it leaves you thinking "wow, that was short", well it left me thinking that anyway. And I'm really sorry I haven't reviewed sooner. Anyway onto the next chapter.

intresting! so, when are we gonna learn of his powers? nice start though.

Wow, well I didn't expect her to tell him about his parents in the very same chapter that she was debating not telling him. :( And the chapter was so short, I saw that you updated and I was looking forward to a longish chapter, but I guess this keeps me wanting more and more. Good chapter though. Ooh, and you really should write a story about Liana, I'm sure she'll be an interesting main character, plus it would be nice to learn a bit more about her. I'll be looking out for the story if you do choose to write it.

Anyway, Ciao...!

Thanks for the review. I've been trying to do something different than the usual ghost story, and I'm glad you like it so far. Anyways, here's my review:
1) "They were killed right before my very eyes two years ago. I can still remember every sight, sound, and smell from that night; I know it will be something that will haunt me forever." Superhero fiction will never be an easy genre to write. This isn't because it's filled with cliches. It is, but that doesn't make it bad. Most myths are cliches, and they tend to be pretty cool. There's a cliche here with the death of Jebediah's parents, but that isn't exactly a bad thing. Just make sure it affects his character a bit.
2) The narration change is nice. Kinda like what you get in a comic book: hero thinks for a panel, and then the next panel watches in third person as he does something.
3) I guess Garen's the logical candidate for villain-hood. I'm hoping it doesn't turn out that way, though. I've always had trouble suspending my disbelief that no villain ever figures out the hero's identity.
4) Catching a definite Peter-Parker-vibe from Jebediah. Underappreciated worker, not exactly a favorite with the ladies, hero complex, angst, etc. It's a good build for a superhero, but I hope Jebediah'll be more than that. I'm already familiar with Parker. I'd like to know who Jebediah turns out to be.
5) The third-person narration is very matter-of-fact, almost as if you were describing what happened in a comic book. I kinda like the simplicity, but you might want to play with it a little bit. If it is the comic-book feel that you're going for, try cutting out 'he said' or 'she responded' when you can. That way the quotes--like speech bubbles--stand alone. Also, you could try describing only what you can see. Instead of 'he began to get mad' you could write 'his face colored'. That would also make the story a bit more visual. These are only suggestions, mind. If and how you use them are entirely up to you.
6) "The man turned to look at Jebediah and laughed. 'And if I don’t, what the fuck are you going to do about it?'" I'm kinda glad you avoided sanitizing his speech. A story like this benefits from some grit, as long as you don't go overboard on it. Balance in all things, I guess.
7) "He knew that he couldn’t take on anyone like Garen but Jebediah knew he couldn’t back down to a creep that was inappropriately touching a girl." Heh. It's so much easier when the enemy is creepy/unpopular. On an unrelated note, the 'innapropriately' in the sentence kinda detracts from its seriousness. I dunno. Maybe I've never been a fan of the word. You might just replace 'innapropriately touching' with 'grabing' or 'groping'. It's a crude action he's doing, so you might as well let your words reflect that.
8) “I SAID…LEAVE HER ALONE!” Careful. Caps sometimes take away from the reader's mental image. If you just write "'I said, leave her alone,' he growled", then the reader's free to imagine how he growled it. If you put the caps in, they know it's just a loud growl.
9) "Without even thinking, Jebediah reached the man punched him in the face and then began to kick him again and again." Space that out a little bit. Divide it into a few sentences. Make each action count.
10) Oh, man. Jebediah just beat the tar out of a man to vent his anger. Never mind the usual superhero punch-in-the-face-and-then-lecture-you-on-your-evil-ways. He kicked the man when he was down. The dark side is strong with this one, I guess.
11) I'm a little amazed at how casually Sue dealt with all of this. I mean, were I a woman...first off, I'd feel violated by the creepy man. I wouldn't trust any man for at least a week after the incident. Being saved by Jebediah would be a relief, but also pretty scary. He did get violent, after all. Now, I'm definitely not telling you how to write your story, here. That's the last thing I'd want to do. I just want to call some attention to character motivations. Sue likely has her reasons for dealing with the abuse so casually. Maybe she feels numb inside. Maybe this has happened before. Whatever. Please make them apparent to the reader, though. Okay, maybe I am telling you how to write your story. But you have the final say. If you don't agree with me, stand by your beliefs. Your writing will be better for it.
12) Anyways, I do like this story and I'd like to see where it leads. If I've been a bit critical in this review, don't take it too seriously. I'll probably change my mind of half of what I said by the next chapter, anyways. Once more, thank you for your review and keep writing.

"He closed his eyes and attempted to close his eyes."

I think it's after the third(?) grey line that you typed this. ^_^

The part where you describe Jeb beating up the guy needs a few commas, at least that's what I think ^_^. the paragraph is fourth to last ^^

Hey, a new superhero! A really nice story. Enjoyed reading it. As usual, a perfect English, at least for an amaterr like me.

Would you like to review one of my stories- When Light meets darkness, chapter 4 or 5.

Thanks.