Reviews for Light Spiders Hide

Reviews For: Light Spiders Hide

Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 5,	Is this really the end, or did you mean to continue it? If it is the end... I don't think enough was resolved. It's obvious that she is starting to change, but I don't think her change is anywhere near complete. It's a really good story, though, I don't think you should stop writing it. The thing with the telephone I don't understsand, however. If her friends were calling her and were inviting her places, you should have shown them out doing things and stuff... Also, I really would have liked to hear more about their mom, since she was apparently a really important factor in the story. -Jesse Beware the review marathon! (link in my profile)
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 4,	I really like this story, haha. You really do well with the dialogue between these people, as if they're real people. It's good. I wish you had done some more explanation of the family gathering, though... that would have been incredibly powerful, if you had her sitting there thinking about the aunts what she later tells her sister in the car. -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 3,	"The headline is composed, and awaits the bulk of the story." I like this line, it's very descriptive and gives good imagery to what she's feeling. "These are wounded words, and they hang in the air." I like this description as well. You have a beautiful way with words in your stories. Not so much in your poems, but in your stories - yes. I really like Dara's character... I think you portray her incredibly well. You protray Kara well, too, but Dara's is most convincing. She is incredibly immature, selfish, disturbed, whatever you want... and it comes out brilliantly. Really, you're good at this. You describe her drug episodes really well, in my opinion. It is wholly believeable and you show us her mental state instead of telling us about it - you let us figure it out. This is good. :) Her crying episode doesn't last long enough, in my opinion, for being described as "her face explodes". It gets, what, two sentences? and then "she's not crying anymore"... it should be longer. -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 2,	This chapter is less confusing than the first, but I think it loses something in that. She seems less mentally ill and more... something else. I wish the contrast between her world and reality was more evident. Or, if that's not what you're trying to do, then I wish there was much more clarity in the first chapter. The beginning of the last section is confusing - I can't tell who's talking. I thought it was a conversation between Kate and Mack, or Kate and someone on the phone... the "She" is confusing because I don't know which she you are talking about. -Jesse
Jesse the Storyteller 2008-04-19 ch 1,	This is compelling, haunting, creepy, and intriguing. :P I love the way you describe things, with the paper-thin eyelids and the crumpling crying face, and the light/dark spiders. It sounds like the opening of a story about a very mentally-ill girl. I hope that's what it is, haha, I like those stories. (And that makes me sound like a sick freak). You describe things well, and though things are confusing, I have a feeling they're supposed to be that way, that we are supposed to feel Dara's confusion. -Jesse Behold the review marathon! (see link in profile)
multiples of six 2007-04-12 ch 5,	That's it? It feels kind of incomplete, but then at the top there it says complete so I guess it must be. And I guess leaving it with Dara still not completely healthy is better than implying there's some kind of easy solution to her problems. Anyway, I really liked this story.. I felt like I was really in Dara's head at some points. It's a challenging subject to take on. Nice job! =)

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