 BearHeart 2006-08-28 . chapter 1Powerful images. Good use of repetition. I like the poem very much. Just a couple of things: Lines 2,7,12 "its" should be it's for 'it is' and line 3 spelling of wiping.
My favourite image is "That powerline where your sneakers hung". I can see the sneakers hanging there and then the empty space where they were. A sad comment.Excellent work. |
 sylvia's syndrome 2006-08-28 . chapter 1I like the way you used specific details, like the tree and the sneakers, to highlight the greater devastation. However, I think you need to do a quick proofreading – there are spelling and grammatical errors in this, and they make you look foolish and distract readers from the message of the poem. |