Wow. Extraordinarily constructed. This has a wrap around sound that keeps the words bouncing off of each other like drum beats and somewhat steady rain. Listen to the S, as it slips through this, and it almost makes the reader dizzy-drunk with wonder at the sound. Excellent end line. Great write. MD:77.

I love the rhyming. I especially love:Might’ve been the sweet perceptionthat first swept you off your feetthe lilac and the sun’s receptionobscuring warmly her soft deceit.

can you get a better opening stanza? I'll answer that for you, no.

Brilliant.

~the bandit queen

You've got some strong images here, but I'd prefer this poem in general if the rhyme were dropped I think. The first and last stanzas rhyme well, but the second one loses it completely for me - with past and chaste not rhyming, and the third stanza struggles with the rhyme as well... Again, you have some strong imagery here which I like... but there is too much rhyme to make it flow freely and not enough to complete the pattern you're setting forth at the begining. Always glad to see a new poem from you, especially one with good language. This is my favorite part:

and the relief that rests in knowing/there are no promises left to keep.

I adore rhyming poems basically because I can swing my head to the beat when I read them. I don't know if that's a picture you want in your head, but, well... there you go.

I liked the stanza, I think it fit in well with the rest. There were only two lines, however, that didn't give me a steady beat... with naught but a smile/and a breath so chaste. Most definetely up to you (so why am I suggesting?) but they're short and would fit in better with at last one more word per line. Aha! I've discovered it! You have, what? A 1212 3434 rhyming style? Something like that. I don't know poetry that well. But in the second stanza it's 1232. There we go...

Overall, great poem. I loved the third stanzas the best. Maybe I just like ribbons, but I saw the best images in that stanza.

Miss trash, I thought there was a rule about writing poems on love? Hm? Well, I'll let you have this one, because the one I had written bit rusty lamps, while yours is the lamp that bites back, if that makes as little sense as I wanted it to.

Anyway -- beautiful rhyming, and you're right, it did end a little weakly, but the rest of it was wonderful, so, if I didn't already really like it, I'd say "good effort," but, because of the wonderfulness previously mentioned, it gets more than that.

So, may I apologize for not reviewing your story? I will try my hardest, but, perhaps, if you want me to review it more often, then you could send me a few nagging emails? It sounds annoying, but it's really not -- it shows that you want me to read the story, so then I read it. Simple as that.

Good poem. Keep up the good work.

Wishing You Good Health And Plenty Of Wealth, ~SirScott~

he rhythm feels somehow off, especially in the second stanza and the last lines of every stanza. Other than that I can't complain.