Pretty! :)
I love the way it flows and your use of language. There's some awkward parts though, but nothing you should really be worried about. Um, you have a lot of long sentences, which is fine, but really good writing is concise and descriptive at the same time. You should work on that if you decide to revise this. The mood you set kind of dwindled toward the middle of the story, so strenghtening that would be a good idea. The whole thing might be a little easier to read if you broke this up into sections or paragraphs, though.
This is really good, though. Both the concept and the delivery are awesome. So...yeah. Write more please? :)