FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| summerbee 2007-02-25 ch 1,  | abusethis is phenomenal. you pull off the alliteration beautifully [none of the words feel like they were placed there simply for their beginning letter, if you know what i mean] and the imagery in here is extremely rich. and the language, god. i love it. |
| T. Rowland 2006-11-06 ch 1, | abuseexceptional! i don't know what to say other than i enjoyed reading every word, and, then again. very powerful. |
| sporkofdoom 2006-11-04 ch 1, | abuseThis was completely amazing. The alliteration was mind-blowing and the ending is fantastic. |
| ossining 2006-09-10 ch 1, | abuseHoly alliteration! I love it, because I love alliteration and am especially fond of the letter S (as you can see by my penname...also, my real first and last names start with S). "sprint secretly/from steel to sex" has to be my favorite alliteration in the poem. The whole thing is wonderful, and just because you used all that S alliteration without it getting annoying, I am favoriting. Keep writing! :) |
| beti213 2006-09-02 ch 1, | abusewow. well-conceived... and gorgeous.I have to be honest with you-the first stanza was hard for me to read. It's thick, full of metaphor and imagery and takes a while to digest.and then (thank goodness!) that turns out to be intentional-a tool to contrast with the second stanza and mimic the theme of the poem.the second stanza is absolutely brilliant. I especially liked "slitting their own skins for sanctity" and "sprint secretly from steel to sex." every generation probably felt like they were lost, but I think we're up there in the ranks of confusion. I love this poem-reeks of youth and city and manic energy. well done. |
| The Un-great-ful 2006-08-29 ch 1, | abuseyou use the language in a very unique way, like me! I like the way you piece some of your sentences together, they're worth reading. Alan. |