Reviews for The Trials of Myrna

Reviews For: The Trials of Myrna - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Dark Wishes 2008-07-06 ch 1,	abuseOk, I'll review your story. When you have the next chapter you can use the DocX thing and send it to me so I can preview it. Have fun! I have to say, that was some odd dream. Seems to be signaling that something is going to be happening in the future, but I can't tell quite what. The fields are obviously a part of it. Good job. The characters seem real in the sense that people are able to identify with them. However, their reactions don't seem quite so real. One example is that Myrna is acting all bored and tired, but gets really excited when she sees the fields. Its like she saw things through a haze of apathy, and it suddenly cleared when she saw the fields. You may see it as a way of pointing out their significance, but I find that it just seems odd and out of place. Before that point, you can really feel what Myrna feels, having been stuck in the van all day, being bored out of her mind. In a way, it connects the reader to the character, even if they don't realize it. A suggestion: when you tell about the boy who got light on fire, you should include something about him lugging up some gasoline or something like that, it makes him getting light on fire more believable. Little errors: 1) "Myrna squeezed her eyes shut and bent here head in toward her chest." "Bent here head" should be "bent her head" 2) "but the moon gone to some other side of the sky" should be "...the moon had gone..."
XCgirl 2008-06-04 ch 1,	abuseOh, interesting. I love your choice of words, especially that "hidden under mounds of uninteresting trash that had been recycled too often by other authors." Very creative, and very entertaining. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Kleptomaniacal Tendencies 2007-02-28 ch 1,	abuseThe first paragraph was totally me on the day we moved, daydreaming and everything. Actually, it'd kind of got me written all over it. Really, when I think about Myrna's nightmare (if it was indeed that) it sounds exactly like me. Kind of creepy but kind of cool. I think you have a pretty unique writing style. Somewhere between Tamora Pierce and Meg Cabot (on a good day). The story was really imaginative. I can't wait to read more and find out what the burning boy is all about. By the way, thanks for reviewing Asher, I appreciate it. - Klepto
Words.Forgotten 2007-02-28 ch 1,	abuseInteresting! I'm looking forward to finding out who the first boy was and what he had to do with the strange flower! Also thanks for reviewing my story! ^-^
jesslia 2007-02-21 ch 1,	abusethe dream was really interesting. i thought that she had woken up and suddenly found herself in hill/field place and i was like THANK GOD when i read it was all a dream. only good descriptions can pull a reader like that. keep writing!
RavenInTheRain 2007-02-16 ch 1,	abuseLove it! Especially the characterization at the beginning. You learn alot about Myrna in just a few lines! Your descprictions are amazing, too. I'm keeping track of this story! ~RavenInTheRain
Mally Lunacy 2006-12-09 ch 1,	abuseGreat start so far! :) Plz update soon!
diamond-dust08 2006-10-09 ch 1,	abusehi penmage! i finally got around to returning a review, but as you might have noticed i haven't been too active lately, so yeah... sorry for this late one, but i hope i can make up for it. i'll review as i go along so i can spot typos, wrong grammatical usage (which i hope i won't find, or if ever, very minimal), or even awkward sentence construction. "no longer where they driving". i think the more appropriate word in this context is "were", the plural form of 'was'. you were referring to "them"--the Suryan family plus Mr Kay--and you need to have a linking verb to tie it all together. 'where' does not fulfill such a use. "and Myrna new he was going". another case of word confusion, most likely because they sound alike (most of the time that's the sole reason). 'new' here should be "knew". "Why wouldn’t someone who’d seen it happen try and stop the kid." this sentence was basically an entire question, so the punctuation here would most probably be a question mark. there is a Mr. Suryan here? i thought they were only the mother and the two children. if there was an earlier mention of their father, i might have missed it. it may be my own error, but if there really was no mention of such a person earlier, or there was too vague an implicit reference to him, you must consider writing about him at the start of the story. i thought the Suryan family are only composed of three people plus the family friend. "'That’s really disturbing,' Myrna". Myrna did what? i know she said it, but you must clearly indicate what a character, especially a protagonist, did exactly. your readers aren't stupid, but it's better to write your thoughts completely. not your fault though; i imagine this was just some kind of a minor setback, where you forgot that you haven't written anything to complete it yet. "and bent here head". bent 'her' head. she woke up at 11.30am... but there are stars visible on the night sky? how come? 11.30am is almost noon! maybe you meant 11.30pm? with the nitpickings finished, i could probably say i enjoyed this story more than i ever expected; this was something that actually exceeded my first impressions. you write really well that it seems you have powerful talent, plus the nice words you've chosen to illustrate your points very much fit into the current flow and/or mood of the story. there are instances though that it seemed you were caught up in the majesty of your own words yourself, and while it does sound verbose it manages to avoid sounding forced, so i could settle with that. the pace with which you presented this first chapter amazed me. the events unfolded in a detailed manner without being bogged down by unnecessary paraphernalia, and they happen almost at real-time. you were also able to use the most out of your writing style (shifting from light-hearted to a dark, heavy tone) to bring about an engaging fluidity that had me in rapt attention. the descriptive effects were very good, too, as they had me vividly imagine what was around the current scene; i could almost spell those lupines. although yes, in some places where you really needed to describe something descriptors were lacking--like for example, that there was a Mr Suryan with them (the only mention of him earlier was "the whole Suryan family", which was very vague at best), and the mention that it was night was written later, instead of being written most earlier, even during the beginning. while the character speeches didn't exactly impress me and some reactions didn't really fit well into the "realistic" category, i'm willing to forgive that small fault because in every other respect, this story really is something. i have to reserve judgment on characters though, about five or six chapters on, to see if they have developed as well as they should be. keep writing and cultivating your talent! ~DD
Z (who is now not in school... 2006-10-04 ch 1, anon.	abuseNe~ I expect that from my (JUVENILE!) manner of speaking, you can tell who I am~ grin It's really interesting so far, [insert name here]. The imagery and the diction go really well together, and make a very...um...well, a setting that can be easily visualized in one's mind's eye. sweatdrops I also think that you captured the sibling interactions pretty well. Actually, the dialogue for the character interactions as a whole is very good and well chosen. sticks out tongue Ne, [insert name here]-chan is really good at diction and tone~ ^^ Maa, it's a great beginning; and the eerie dash of mystery just adds to its appeal. Tell me when you write the next chapter, ne~? glomp Sorry for the overly-childish review. Filipino food makes me hyper. Ahahaha!
MyNameIsMad 2006-10-03 ch 1,	abuseHey, I get carsick when I read in the car too! You know, if you really think about it, not many published books are about werewolves. Sure, you've got Kelly Armstrong and Anette Curtis, and people like that, but not many others. Now vampires...that's a subject way too many people get ahold of and wring the life from (I admit, there's vampires in my story too (but that's only one or two)). I'm always looking for a good werewolf story, and yours has the potential to make me very, very, very happy! I like happy! Please keep on updating this, because I will keep on reading it! Your descriptions of the scenery and such are very good, and very beautiful. They make me wish I was there. (I loved the "Will the flowers photosynthesize at me?")The dream sequence was well done, and exceptionally dream-like. Dreams often don't go in a linear manner, do they. That's probably what makes them so cryptic. I'm sure Myrna will have a lot to write about once this is all over... Definately keep this up. I'm eager to read more, and will review your chapters as they come out. Thanks much for reviewing Urf! -Mad
Mentally Warped Fish 2006-10-02 ch 1,	abuseI like her name Myrna and the dream. Can't wait for more.
Zed-Azrael 2006-09-22 ch 1,	abuseI think this was a really great first chapter. Fabulous usage of description on your part, by the way. It's just so...refined. Whenever I try to create imagery, it sounds like some exhausting list. Yours are very tasteful, for lack of a better word. Lycanthropy is a fascinating subject, and it's not too over done... Unlike vampires, angels, and demons. (Not that I can talk. I'm such a hypocrite!) Anyway, I think you've really set yourself up for a fantastic story. Look at your reviews!! On this site, you're lucky to even get one, much less seven! This isn't fanfiction. Haha... Sorry I had to tire you with my (LACK OF) humour. I had to get it out of my system. So, I'm eager to find out what happens next, so keep up the good work!
Leucrotta 2006-09-21 ch 1,	abuseWow. This was truly awesome! And I'm practically obsessed with werewolves, so I'll probably continue to like it even more!Great imagery, wonderful character elements, and the creepy dream scene was icing on the cake! This is awesome stuff here! Please, please, keep writing it! (Ignoring the fact that I, myself, almost never finish something.)
Not Bob 2006-09-19 ch 1,	abuseWow, that was really awesome, and not many grammatical errors, too, that's always nice too. Thanks for the review earlier, and I will be writing more very soon. I love your description of the flower fields, I felt like I could realy see them. The burned guy is definately creepy, but I think that was what you were going for, so kudos. Hope you write more on this, I really liked it.
Thalia Rosemary 2006-09-10 ch 1,	abuseWow...amazing imagery...actually, I don't think I have anything bad to say ^_^ I like the human aspects of your character and her family...Her name is beautiful as well! Awaiting chapter two! YaY!

Return to Top