"(leaking sweet seduction, ambrosia in devil's form)"

You know how sometimes you run across words or phrases that set the muse in motion, but you know that you couldn't come up with better?

Right there. Whoo.

Anyway, this is cool. I've always liked that disjointed style, but I could never really pull it off. It always comes out stupid when I try (but I try, try again! Except that then I royally screw it up. Oh well.)

I usually like to really critique writing, but I think I got caught up in the sheer... ness of this (I can't think of a suitable word) that nothing stands out.

Good job!

(and damn, is that flying spaghetti monster game addictive or what?)

I don't think the poem needs help at all personally. The rather scattered way it is phrased actually really adds to the mood of the piece because that is clearly the way your narrator is thinking at the time. The format is awesome, and the imagery is dead-on.

First of all, thank you for that wonderful review. I'm glad I can write something that can touch someone's "aesthetical-attraction nerves" (yes, I just made that up) without it seeming like I'm shoving religion down someone's throat.

Even though I no longer agree with the topics in this poem, there was a time when I would have GLORIFIED you for writing this creative work of art. Fortunately, I can still appreciate well-written, creative release. The whole "let me use you, I promise you'll lovehate it too" was my favorite part besides the "after all, dirt's infectious, and the stains form such pretty patterns of blackpurplebrown". It's pure genius. Kudos!

There was one tiny mistake I saw, so I'll point it out to you: it should say "they say truth is stranger THAN fiction". You wrote "... then fiction...". 'Then' is relating to a time period, and 'than' is used for comparisons.

This is gorgeous and beautiful and wonderfully worded. I love it.

♥ Alice

WELL I LIKE IT! I like the format and the ppoem subject itself. GO SPEG!