wow... um... yeah, that summed it up. wow. It's really good, I like it. And I'm SO interested to find out what in the world is going to happen!

Okay... morbid? sllightly?the upside down hangman in san francisco. . .

otherwise
WHAT IS GOING ON? So we have this twisted super happy school where people are watched in the middle of a hugely morbid san francisco where everything is openly hostile and a guy who's almost dead coming into a police station... TELL ME! I WANT TO KNOW! T.T
as you can see i got a little too in to this story. ehem. on to others now.

Okay, I seriously thought I had reviewed this earlier, but I can't find any records of it or anything...oops.

Anyways, YAY for an update! I was wondering when this would be added onto. This is probably the story of yours that I like best, and, no, not just because of Eric. >.< Please add more soon!

Soon, as in...well, continue it eventually.

This is improving very quickly! You've gone from "I won't list the flaws" to "There's one suggestion here or there" to "Darn, there isn't anything wrong with it that I can see."

I must say, I'm pleased with the turnout of this story (so far, of course). Though it does move quite fast, your descriptions are plentiful.

I don't mind the perspective change one bit - you seem a lot more comfortable in the first person.

Sakka-Fenikkusu

You're very good at building up tension. I also like your sophisticated vocabulary, thought I might tone it down a little bit - almost had to go to the dictionary a couple times.

This chapter's noticeably better than the last one. Very nice.

Sakka-Fenikkusu

Pretty twisted school you've got here. I can't think of any schools with macabre names and everyone falsely smiling... no, wait, that's just like every school I've been to.

This is pretty good. I spotted quite a few sentence structure / technique flaws, but I'm going to hold off with critiquing it until you're done with your first draft.

Good work. Off to chapter four!

Sakka-Fenikkusu

what a delightfully descriptive way to describe the character's mornings. you make it clear that he has MUCH to experience, though it has become FAR too routine for him to stand without the potetntial of Claudia showing up.

another excellent chapter, providing depth to the fictional world, as well as to characters already known!

"BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU."

~1984

Sorry, that was my first reaction after reading this chapter.

So what is with Claudia being all calm and collected and such before, and now she's all tense and stuff? I mean, wouldn't she have known before that they were watching the students, from her certainty when she tells him with seemingly no proof?

very intersting, especially for YOU, sir, putting this much description to the "romantic/sensual" bits of this story thusfar

i have to say, in erics place at the end, i would have to agree with both statements his mind makes...

also - an edit - it would be an "I

okay...

this is not making much sense at THIS point...

again, its ESCUELA!

but this is interesting, is it coming from personal "experience," or are you just upset about school again?

sir, the word you were looking for was "escuela", not eswela!

Thanks for that mention of "Algebra really sucks." I appreciate it.

jk.

You have such a gift for imagery...

Okay, first off, don't ever use the word blatant again.

Anti-Profanity Act. Classic.

Now, I'd say plenty of the dialogue, you've got spot-on- it does sound like what the real person would say in real life... save that ridiculous line in the prologue.