what suspence! this is a cool beginning--or ending. it will be fun to see where you're going with this. just look out for spelling mistakes and word misuse; bored may sound like board, but they mean completely different things. =) keep up the coolness!

Now that was fun to read. The flow of the work was just right for me, and your descriptions made it all the better. I'll wait for the next chapter for now.

I like the use of words to describe. I think I know what you mean about the ending cause I had an idea like for another story of mine.

Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see the rest!

Jess

this was good. I think that you might have started the story out a little bit to fast though, and you should think about making the next couple of chapters longer. there were also some spelling and grammer mistakes, so you might want to have someone look over your work before you post it. over all it was ok.