First of all, I really liked this. The repitition was nice too.
However, I'm not sure about the use of the word 'goon'. This sort of means someone who is reckless sometimes, and since it's slang it didn't really go with the rest of the song.
But, I really liked the ending and it was a great way to finish it off. =)

Very Sweet Piece That Conveyed A Lot Of Pure Emotion. Usually I'm Not A Big Fan Of Repetition ((Although I Sometimes Use It A Lot Myself)) But I Feel As If It Has Been Justified In This. ^_^

However, I Feel That In Some Cases You Sacrificed Meaning Just To Rhyme, And These Rhymes Sometimes Didn't Carry The Story On As Well As More Heartfelt Lyrics Would've.

All In All, A Very Good Job, Especially For A First Attempt.

Lots Of Love And Best Wishes
~ x-sevenstoreytheory

Very audible. The repetition helps the lyricality by bringing the sound through similar depths of pitch. Well done.

Well, it was hard for me to put this to music, which made it hard to catch a definite rhythm, but there are very powerful sentiments in there and the words do a good job of bringing them out. I like that you left this in song format (Repeat chorus, decrescendo, etc.), because it makes me remember that this is a song and that what I think it should sound like is probably completely different from your idea of it.

Still, I would like the conflict in the song to be a little more developed. You say in there that this preson thinks you're crazy, but after those few mentionings you don't really take that anywhere. And I'd like to see it longer, but there may be musical breaks in there that I can't point out to myself.

All-in-all, a good first attempt. And they'll only get better, I'm sure as you keep writing.

I can hear the music in the back of my head when I read this. Sounds to me like a soft rock song (and by soft rock, I mean very very mellow). Great job!

I can imagine some crazy country singer crooning this song at a bar and then people throwing stuff onstage because the singer sounds so bad (not because of the lyrics.) I really like the ending except I don't quite agree with the rhyming. I'm really sorry, but goon is not a great sounding word. It makes me laugh when the song is supposed to be serious and whatnot. But, better than me though. I'd fail at writing song lyrics. But maybe not at writing a song. Keep up the great job!

It's sweet, but it seems painful. I get a sense of it being unrequited love. I can feel the beat; it actually fits very well with the song I'm listening to. o.o I love it. ^_^

~LT

i like it a lot!! nice work..u did fine!! don't worry about it! ...

great job

thanks for the reviews

I loved the ending. I ADORE it! It's so perfect and it fits and ... *sighs contentedly* It's just so lovely.

I think that you could work on the rhythm of the piece. And perhaps how you phrase some parts ... I don't really know too much about song lyrics, really. Great poetry can often be put to a beat, and I can see one in this, it's just not there yet.

Thanks bunches for the reviews. Writing a Poem was fun for me. You should try one ... they're quite fun. ^^ Honestly, The Party Posko Song is one of my favorite pieces. I really love it. Strangely ... it was written mostly during math class. Bizarre.

Anywho, glad you liked them. I enjoyed this piece. WRITE ON!

Felicia.

Hate to say it, but ^ is right. Your force rhyming, and I know that it seems you have to do that, but you dont. let the words flow naturally from your heart. force rhyming takes away from the song as a whole, and leaves the listener, (or in this case, reader), wondering what you are trying to get across.

Here is my constructive criticism. Your song doesn't work because you've got lines there for the necessity of the rhyme, rather than because they add to the song. eg. "I'm going crazy, You think I'm lazy." If there's a reason you say somthing like that you need to elaborate on it within the song otherwise it just sounds like you're forcing rhyme.Having said that, songs are hard to write and my own attempt isn't too flash hot either. :P