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| no.peace.los.angeles 2006-09-10 ch 1,  | abuse"A milk thin curl in the coffee of night" - Gah, I am DYING over that line. It is such a great great metaphor. The image there is so cool, and it's just so original. I could go on all night about how I wanted to write that line. This is a really cool poem. Your author's note makes it even neater. Your "Robert" reminds me of a "character," if you will, in a piece I never finished. His name was Fred, and he was the part of me that wants to get into relationships with all the wrong guys, just so when I was upset, I could say, "You really screwed up this time, Fred," and I'd have a man to blame for all my problems. :D But enough about that. (You probably think I'm crazy by now, eh?) Gee, I hope no one reads this review and tries to steal my idea... Anyway, enough egotism from me. This is great. Keep writing! :) |
| Moondog Dozier 2006-09-06 ch 1, | abuseInteresting and thought provoking, as the "Robert", without the author's note, could be up for interpretation through the reading. Very relatable feeling though. seeing something slightly, then trying to convince yourself of or out of its existence. Clever to give that occurrence a name, and incorporate it into a work that could take on an entirely different meaning. Wonderful concept. Title fits, but it may be too stock, for the uniqueness of the idea. Great write. |
| Anaare 2006-09-03 ch 1, | abuseShadows within shadows, always an interesting thing to read. You make every poem a gem to be discovered. Very lyrical and bursting with imagery. Just wonderful. |
| Halcyon Impulsion 2006-09-02 ch 1, | abuseI adore the final stanza! The rhythm of this is magnificent :) |
| sylvia's syndrome 2006-09-02 ch 1, | abuseI really enjoyed this piece! It reminds me very strongly of the book The Awakening (formerly entitled A Solitary Soul) – you even got the name Robert right. This poem could easily be written from the point of view of Edna, the protagonist of the book. The conflict, the surprise ending in the novel, the thoughts of the characters… everything fits in perfectly with this poem. I was shocked not to find the book mentioned in your author’s note. Keep up the good work! |
| hey maria 2006-09-02 ch 1, | abuse"A milk thin curl in the coffee of night," Excellent. |
| call me ish 2006-09-02 ch 1, | abuseI love it :). And I love the idea of nameing that "i know it's there" felling. But also if you take the poem at face value and left out the fact that Robert is not an ex-boyfriend or something like taht, it gives the poem a whole new meaning. gorgeous |