O, a stalker me thinks?

And breakfast in bed - very sweet.

Update soon

Panths

Omg, umm short review - off to read more. Heehee

Yay - love this chapter too. X D Love all the chapters actually otherwise I wouldnt be reading them. lol. Your characterisation is still consistant which is especially good.

Creepy shops now, eh? creepy dreams? The plot definitely thickens.

Oh, another cliffy, I like.

Found nothing at all wrong with this chapter you'll be pleased to know, and I didn't think it was all that short (I have been known to put up chapters of under 500 words)

I also loved the way your character just wanted to be alone - very well written.

Panths

Great follow up to the first chapter I love the dilemma your character has to face and especially the point where realisation dawns. that was very good -


' ran over to the window and watched in horror as my mom’s car squealed out of the drive way and speed away. I have to get out was my first thought, too late.'

- 'cos at first I didnt think she was in any particular danger, only that she'd been abandoned. 'too late' very dramatic.

In fact i only had one point - your first paragraph needs reading over. you used the word door twice and you say she opens the door but then in the next sentence you say she was almost to the front door. Just needs a little revising s'all no biggie.

Panths

Omg - awesome beginning! Have to admit though - I feel for her. hate, hate, HATE, scary movies, and I have the bullies who force me to watch them as well.

Read your prfile and then the beginning of this chapter. And I have to admit - they do add up. There were commas in there that were just begging to become ellipses - my advice? - go for it. They'd work.

Loving it and I will definitely read the next chapter tomorrow - don't have time now 'cos I have to really do my own instead of depressing myself by reading everyone else's aweseom stories.

Great read.

Panths

Interesting beginning, I've never read a story like this before. Just don't leave me hanging like so many other stories do.

Nice characters so far. Good emotion too. Nice use of logic, saying she'd be scared of a 6'3" guy. Funny how many characters in stories have no common sense. Great job with that. I'd like to read more of this sometime.

By the way, I'd appreciate it if you could check out my story Strike Me Down. You might like it.

Good luck with your writing.

Dice Darwin

You have a good start here but this story needs more work as far as editing and revising is concerned. The first sentence is rife with grammatical and one spelling error. It would sound better as

'I pushed my bangs out of my face as I ran with no destination in mind. My black hair whipped my face as I slowed, and decided to stop at the park.'

See? That flows so much better now.

Good job though, and keep writing :)