I really like the last line. I've been working on a poem of this same topic, and it's pretty hard to get it to come out right. You did fabulously.

I think it's perfect just how it is and sometimes little imperfections just make it sound more real.

The idea of 'philophobia' scares me, words are so important to me but I can understand how the girl is feeling when she says, "you kill me when you say you love me". I thought something similar once and also ripped something up of his, but it was when he wasn't looking.

The emotions you conveys in your work is breathtakingly beautiful. Take care.

I think that it is fine as it is. Do not change any more of it.

i like it the way it is,even if it feels incomplete a bit.

This kind of made me laugh with how true it is -which I know isn't what it was supposed to do, but it's why I like it. The reiteration of, um, specified sentiments was also a nice touch.

severe wrote thi y.*wants your babies*.Sorry for my weirdness lol."she could bleed black if he asked".that is the most painful poem couldn't BE any more .

this was so, heartwrenchingly beautiful. it was painful to read, yet you just want to read on. hmm did that make sense? all the words used are just so perfect they leave me speechless. the emotions in this poem are overwhelming and everything is just put together so nicely. loved it. (:

O.O

its like, you wrote this to match my situationXD lol, i can relate, COMPLETELY to this feeling. well done

I love that last line.. the whole piece is wonderful... the whole piece is beautiful... the whole being hopeful thing... amazing job

I can't tell you to improve on anything because I believe it's amazing. as corny as it sounds- I feel this.

This is soo beautfiul; I can relate to this so much, all of your pieces are amazing, you are my favorite author on fictionpress. Keep up the excellent work!

it doesn't feel finished, but then, i wouldn't push it, either. her attention-craving is palpable and aching though, and i like that. "when she thinks he's looking."

Nice imagery, as always. Interesting concept with the dialogue however, I find that something is lacking. Perhaps it's the fluidity of the piece or the simpleness of the piece (which could also be considered the beauty of it all.) As you stated in the author's note.. you were sick of working on this so that could possibly justify why I see something is lacking in the piece. Take your time with it, and I hope to see you on your next update. - ADD-san

Great lines here. I especially loved, " she rips her love-dove poems into shreds when she thinks he is looking". I liked this a lot. Keep writing!

i think you repeated too much. it works in a way, but in another more important way it doesn't. nonetheless, i love this: "fantasies are beautiful when they are broken/(because that is when they become real)". it rings very true. and "love-dove poems". it made me smile. oh, and before i forget,(i was about to press submit)the title is brilliant.