o Interesting! All though she does rant alot. x3

He sure says 'I guess' a lot, eh? This is quite interesting. I don't know a lot about the Spanish conquistators and so on. Still... wow. I thought the character was male. That's not a good sign. So it's a She. Perhaps you could make that more clear from the beginning? Also a few grammatical errors.

You are a nice writer and have a great start here, but if I noticed one thing it's that your voice is a little 'informal' or 'casual' for historical writing. What I mean is you need to spiff things up a bit - put yourself in the head of someone who presumably comes from the time you are writing about, and write literally from THEIR perspective. That's what I do, and it tends to help a lot. Other than that, I liked the emotion in this piece. Good job and keep writing!