FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Arrows 2006-09-06 ch 1,  | abuseHah hah, I can honestly say I've never read a story about 7/11 before :P This is good, just needs some basic editing for grammar and what not. The final few sentences of the second to last paragraph are especially jumbled and (in my opinion) nonsensical. I suggest you just go back, read them over, and see if there's any other way you can arrang/word them. Other than that, good job! You've made me want to never enter a 7/11 ever again. |