Great imagery, sentence structure, perspective, character interaction, word choice, and suspense. Clever characterization and I really like how you showed their actions. Also, great job on the ending. :D

What?! OMG! That had happened before? Well written. Well written. I love your stories.

BP-BW

Loved it.

OMG! That was wonderful! I enjoyed it~ it was rather credible and interesting!~
Narq.

Do you not love the joy of surprise inspiration.

This is a very well-written story, the balance between the characters, the violence, and the prose were perfect.

Keep up the good work!

Awesome story. The hole thing just has this awful disgusting slimy feel to it. About the only thing you could have done further is describe the rice as little "maggots" but thank you for not doing that. Definitely a different story, it makes me want to write

sounds like that might put a damper on things.

And it finally occurs to me –

“Oh no, oh God, oh no –”

It happened again!

HAHAHAHA! 'Oops, I did it again!' [now I now why people say I have a song for everything XD]

If you haven't already, you should submit some of your stuff to a few magazines because this was really, really good.

*DRAGON MOUTH*

ARGH!

hehe, i like this story.

Oh, you are so right - that is a PERFECT ending!

Ha... well, that was a great dissapointment. i was hoping for more chapters, more disgustingly awesome description, more GORE... honestly, this was a great beginning.

Wonderful! The emotion and detail had me captivated to the very end. I wish that I had the ability to breath fire...

I'm so sad that my favorites are maxed, or I would tottaly add this.

It was ok

What's happened again? Damn, I must see more, this story is interesting. Nice read, I like it. I say that there are no problems with it, the grammar is done well. My opnly problem was that it took until the black dude's appearance to tell that the main character is a girl.

Peace

Darket