Cute story... Many cliches in one!

Why aren't you updating? WHY?!?!?

*cries and breaks down*

:D

not bad so far, looking forward to reading the rest

Hi i love your story, but u said u would update it in a week and its been ten months. so could you like email me when u update thanks.
Michelle
n

update soon

I can't wait for the end.

Overall a little idealistic perhaps, but nonetheless a sweet story. If I were you I'd retool the beginning segment, but once this story gets underway the character development and action are both really engaging.
Very nice.
Erisah :)

Compelling opening, if a little abrupt at the start... perhaps a flashback is not necessary in the first paragraph, instead, keeping it all in a retrospective tone might refine this prologue.
If it were me, I'd try something like:

"**" he called me. A "whorish ** who couldn't keep her legs crossed".

There isn't much point in setting the scene in the house if in the next sentence you're in the graveyard. Revealing as you go can be a useful plot device, because even if the reader can predict where this is all going, there's still that level of intrigue...
And you can always change the direction at the last minute, putting in some twists and turns to keep them off balance, lol.

These are just some suggestions, ignore at will. ;p
Nice work.
Erisah

i love it!

sigh...
i hate it when things are too good to be true. Cuz then you just KNOW that something is coming up. dun dun dun...boo

If only every teen pregnancy story could be like that...I would even settle for 50% of them. I remember my mom describing to me a few years ago (under harsh begging from me, of course) about what happened when she told my father that she was pregnant with me. At the time, my mom was 17 and my dad 18 (they each had a birthday before I was born, though). She said it was one of the most embarrassing situations of her life, even though at the time they each thought themselves in love. They had just seen Risky Business and my mom said she suddenly felt nauseous on the walk to the car and then she was vomitting in the grass. Between regurgitations she told my father that she was pregnant and his response was, "Are you sure?" (my mom delivers a feral glare and vomits again) "Should we get married?" And they did get married. And six years later there was a very messy divorce. But I hear that there was a three year window in there where my parents were very happy together and with me. I don't really remember it. Anyway...I think I'm rambling.

This is an entertaining story. There are some areas that I think need some work. For example: Gavin would have had mitral valve prolapse his whole life, and it is rare for it to cause such problems, and extremely rare to require emergency surgery, so he would have had to have a severe case which would have shown itself in other symptoms over the course of his life meaning that it would have probably been caught by a doctor at some point...And if he had a severe case, the current trend is to perform surgical mitral valve repair before any heart failure or serious problems. The most common treatment for mitral valve prolapse, though, is medication I think...atenolol and toprol, that jazz. That all made sense to me, but I'm not really sure if I worded it well. As well, and this is only my opinon, I feel that the internal arguments that both Gavin and Ebony have are nice, but they sometimes drag on a little too long and get a bit repetative. Don't get me wrong--I like the internal dialogue, I just think it needs a mite more editing. Also, did anybody ever explain the freshman, sophomore, junior, senior American education format?

Well, I look forward to another chapter! Cheers!

Gilly Bean

i love this. please write more.

hm why is she doubting her and gavins situations if she know that hes going to be there till the end for her and the baby. I guess she just wants him to pop the question, but hey your the writer so i dont but i enjoyed the chapter as always and i dont mind that the ending of the story is being delayed. Cant wait for the next chapter until then...

No offense, but everyone "claim" that they'll update "next week" or"soon", but they don't. I'll believe it when I see it.

Hm.. The last chapter was more of a filler but it was sweet nonetheless. I'm glad to see things are progressing well and you're doing excellent!