Interesting story, hints of something at the end. Very interesting stuff.

I won't repeat what others have said on writing style, so I'll focus on the story: good action, nice plot twists...and I'm partial to vigilante/revenge tales.

Good work.

For starters: you have a story here. It has potential. It has a lot of potential. But that potential is horribly marred by the style of writing itself. Your problem at the moment is that it is reading like a list.

Lists are bad. They bore the reader and, in turn, lead to less reviews and less interest. To a budding writer like yourself, this is bad. Very bad. So here is how we're going to fix that.

Numero Uno:

"It is 1943 in the Nazi weapons base."

This is a big no-no: never, ever, ever when you are writing a story should you instantaneous plop the reader into the environment. Expand a little upon this. Let us ponder periodically where we are and what is going on. You don't need to rush anything--in fact, it's more interesting, fun, and challenging if you take time to draw out details. Take it carefully. Make us think that this is simply a base before--as a side-note--mentioning the swastika flapping in the wind. Bam. We know we're in Nazi territory.

2: "“Yeah. Isn’t he the man who was a American soldier, but then went rogue?”"

In your dialogue, you must add more interaction between characters, and not give so much back-history about the main character. What readers love is being drawn in. Have you ever seen E.T.? Do you remember the part where the boy baits E.T. with Skittles to draw him out? Think of the very same thing when it comes to writing. DRAW your reader out. Don't start truly introducing your main-man's past until well into the story--two or three chapters at least. So cut this out. Don't put it in...Not yet, anyway.

And also: Add such things as "he said," and "she said" and then even more adjectives beyond that. Simply giving dialogue makes the story read like a screenplay--which it is not.

3: "“They say he has black armor, an emerald cape, and is armed with rifles, knives, and grenades.”"

Again, and with more emphasis: the reader doesn't want to hear that yet. We don't want to know what the Vigilante looks like. And don't start talking about him until he actually appears to take 'em down. That makes everything more interesting.

4: "All they saw were 5 Nazis gunned down, and covered in blood.

Then an explosion occurred.

BOOM!!

Fire engulfed the guards and they were fried.

More Nazis came but before they could shoot, they were stabbed by knives."

Once more: Avoid lists. Each of these small little sections you give to us should be at least four paragraphs within themselves. At least.

I could continue critiquing, but I believe you have the general idea: expand upon every little detail, slow things down, don't give away the story of the main character until later, and describe out to wazoo. And more interaction within dialogue.

Well, I hoped that helped:

theTwilightPen

Hey this is a nice story it had a nice balance of stuff...I like it so far

Dude, just read the second chapter, and this is cool, too. The Vigilante is so cool and sneaky! I love him! Good work and keep going!

--bOOkface31--

Well, I definately like the first chapter, and it actually kind of reminds me of Zoro for some reason, but I'm sure you didn't mean for it to be that way. Or maybe it reminds me of Kung-Pow the movie...but with a serious undertone. I really enjoy WW II stories, so I'll be sure to read more. It could use a little more description, but I like the story even without the description. Some stories are just mean to be that way, I guess. Well...it's good so don't change because of my stupid opinion. Whatever your style of writing is, then that's fine with me.

Keep going!

--bOOkface31--

I like the idea, but I think your style is going to need some refining. I'm willing to help you out, since I think the idea is cool, but you're going to have to know that anything I say isn't a personal insult to you or your writing, that it's said in the interest of helping you along. Also, you should know that if I do, it might seem nitpicky at some points, but most good reviews involve disecting a story bit by bit and giving advice. Let me know what you think. If you're interested, we'll see what happens.

Hmm, not bad. I just suggest that in a few parts put a little more description, and make sure we know when a different person's there. Since you never mentioned the captain leaving the room only that he was there then he was suddenly approaching his car. Hope you continue this. ^_^

Alright then...It's jerky beyond belief. This would make a FAR FAR FAR better story than a poem. It is a story only you have pressed enter to often. It's dosn't have flow or rythmn or anything else that makes a POEM good.

BUT it does have the makings of a great story, motive, mystery, war, sadness, Ninja Like Skills. Excellent but bad peom. Good Ideas would make a goods story.