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| greype-juice 2006-12-15 ch 1,  | abuseVery nice poem, I am not very well versed in poetry, however I liked this one. The very last line threw me off a bit, somehow it seemed a little out of place, but otherwise I liked it very much, surprisingly. Usually freeverse usually doesn't appeal to me, but this one was very good. Nice job. |
| hey maria 2006-09-09 ch 1, | abuseAs a poem, this needs some work. The beginning was a little bland and didn't hook me right away, and the repetition of the words 'love' and 'Steve' got tiresome. "Do you want to know why I love you,/Steve?/Well, I can tell you what it isn’t" doesn't make much sense grammatically. It should be "I can tell you why I don't." The last line was a bit of a let-down, frankly, and I'm not sure how you can fix it. It wasn't a bad poem though; I liked the interesting comments on Steve's breath and hair (though I'm not sure whether the line "On a rollercoaster" fits in.) The way you showed Steve's bravery and his fears was well-done, and save for the last line, the ending was good. Your emotions come out strongly in this piece, which is good. But I think for this to be a powerful poem, you need to tweak it a bit. |
| Luma 2006-09-09 ch 1, | abuseThis was some amazing writing, I have to tell you. It was wonderful, I loved this poem. --Lisa |