spiffy-sophia
2006-09-16
ch 1,  | abuseI think you have some interesting ideas, but you make a few grammar mistakes and certain sentences have awkward wording, which made me not enjoy the story as much. This was one sentence I noticed: "After she was given a medication to help for any headaches and migraines she may experience after being knocked out, Brooke followed Brittany and Robert to the car." You switched from present to past tense in the middle of the sentence, and sadly, I focused more on that than what was actually happening in the sentence. I'm not saying the story's bad, though--I think if you worked on things like that it would be pretty awesome. I hope I've helped? Good luck with your writing! :) |
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