Aw! I favourited this! I really enjoyed reading it! It was just really nice to read.
Could you do me a favour and read + review my story? It's really fun to read, because you get to immerse yourself in being a celebrity (we all want to)!
Thanks!
Loved the story!
x

I read this twice. The very first line reminded me of this silly James Dean print i had in high school.

Anyway loved this. It makes me think of hating what you love. The words you are somehow so descriptive. At the end of this piece i felt really sad and kinda empty. It made me long for something. Great job.

whichever english speaking person offered to help you must be so cool. ~no arrogance intended~

...

I adore finding little scraps of free-thought paragraphs that somehow manage to make a dazzling little story like this. Im impressed that it was in Swedish first, so the few mistakes I read im guessing were there because of that. I wouldn't really know, I know one language and that is all. But still, very impressed.

The opening line is beautiful; it was the first thing that gripped me with this piece. I think that to get the right affect in a story you have to have an interesting opening, and you have. There is a lot of imagery that flow wonderfully, the sort of wordplay that make me feel it. I could imagine every movement, every feeling of disgust and need. I think that is why this is a good story, because you manage to incorporate some delicious sentences that flow perfectly.

I actually didn't expect the ending, but it seems to fit well. Normally I don't really abide 'I love you, I kill you' stories, because they're so unrealistic and I can just imagine some teen that gets kicks out of that kind of stuff writing it. This however is different, it fits nicely and there isn't some overblown poetry about it, like it was beautiful. The heat sinking through the narrator and the colourless laugh, it all interlocks with the idea that this boy is grey and a misprinted photograph.

I love the 'ash blonde' hair you gave him, its sort of an oxymoron in a way that I don't quite understand. But when I read it I thought of dead-grey, like old but not old. It reminded me of dust, which fades colours, which brought me back to the boy. I don't know if you meant to do that, but either way it was good. Also, 'watercolour-lashes of ashes' that was lovely, tongue rolling wordplay.

Anyway, I really like this a lot. Im glad I read it and im glad it was spontaneous too, because those always make the best stories. :]

So, keep writing!

Amy xx

Oh, haunting. I love the way you write, very poetic and with lovely imagery. I wasn't expecting the ending, though. The first paragraph is what seems haunting; the second gives me shivers. I like the little details and as someone who can only speak and write English I'm impressed by people who write when English is not their first language. ^^

Wow. So pretty and dark and hollow...I like.

Lovely job, it was very poetic and I love the reference to a misprinted photograph and how he smokes like a movie star. I love how authors describe their characters smoking. I'm curious about where the blood came from; love scratch, actual gun, or just a poetic idea? Beautiful work!

Uhm...

Okay, that was disturbing.

Nits: "he says" immediately followed by "but no, he doesn't say anything like that". What?

Lots of nice alliteration and assonance... tightens his dry lips, lifeless lips, sickly sweet,

Oh, and make up your mind: grey or gray.

Little confusing about what's going on: "sits above my head"? And starting with "his stomach above my face" - okay. Got it. Pushes against. Right... then "Clashes his forehead against mine". Wait. How'd we get face-to-face all of a sudden?

Seems like this oughta be a free-form poem.

Swedish, you say?

this was amazing and well written i liked it, it was kinda creepy in a way

Slash, huh?

Very nice! It's me again. ^_^ I'm glad I decided to read this. Amazing too; only two paragraphs, and it's actually a pretty good story! Good descriptions in this as well. I can sorta imagine a canvas of black and white swirls and then all of a sudden splashes of red to interupt the colorlessness.

so this is the story you thought i was talking about. :D

i love it! it's twisted but in a good way. i think it ends on the perfect note and the way you write it allows the reader to actually get inside the narrator's head. i love the distinction made between "blue" and "ice." beautiful writing there.

perhaps the only problem is "I clench my hand into a gun." when i first read it i thought he made the standard gun gesture with his fingers, and then the blood ran down the other man's temple and i was thoroughly confused. did he shoot the man? if so, i suggest that you change this sentence. maybe "I clench my fingers around a gun"?

aside from that, this was a delicious read and i enjoyed it very much.

This was...in a word, poetic. It flowed extremely well, and it really felt like it had a voice. Much love for this.

=^_^=

wow. great job: a very interesting read. i loved the use of your words. (and thanks for the great comment ['it rains on me']. as a matter of fact i changed the summary because of your advice. coincedentally the summary i used before was actually an 'explanation' i had used somewhere else;)

That was ingenious.