|Reviews for Wondering|
| Rosie marie lil 3/13/10 . chapter 1
I thought it had a very good way to how it began and ended with such wonder, and filled with words that had much emotion to me.
Keep writing poetry!
From a fellow writer.
| Jilted Eve 2/21/08 . chapter 1
Hm...reminds me a bit of Pandemonium (the character, not just the book) and I love this. It starts out slow and keeps a reflective tone to it which in this case, BEAUTIFUL! It sounds as if the narrator is grieving for what he lost and the image of the sun and the moon are just lovely! I imagine someone standing on a porch or at a grave and these are their thoughts. :D
I think this inspired me to write something...hm.
I love your poems!
:) An Apple Bleeds At Twilight
| I Shot Mel Anne Kholi 10/28/06 . chapter 1
This poem is very simple, and if somehow by inspiration I had made the same reference to the cycle of the sun and moon, as an explanation for our recurring cycles of love, I would have added a reference to Apollo or Hyperion somewhere in it.
However, even without a classic greek reference, or a more complex allegory, this work is still very powerful. It's simplicity leaves something left to be desired, but it doesn't draw away from the roots I think you had with this work.
Nice job; I don't know whether the narrator is the sun or the moon, but I guess he/she should remember the sun always rises again eventually.
| The Watched 10/26/06 . chapter 1
So this is a sweet poem, but I'm going to give you a bit of con/crit anyway. Don't shoot me. Or if you are going to, do it via PM and not the poor review system.
It's a short poem, which isn't in itself a bad thing, but it doesn't have a huge amount of impact, which isn't a good thing. To maximise it, I'd suggest describing the scene more fully, and tying it in to your feelings. I'll be honest, a sunset is a bit of a cliched analogy for this sort of thing anyway, but we'll run with it. What you're really missing is the POINT. I mean, obviously there's a point, but the point needs to jump out at you, to be concrete and obvious. As it is, I'm thinking this is a poem about "wondering...about someone you love...and why they're there? Why they've gone, maybe?" and really, I need to be able to condense that message into one certain sentence.
So if it's a poem about "wondering what you did to deserve someone", maybe tie that in to the sun. You could possibly mention the sun's omnipotence and how this person has a similar omnipotence to you, or perhaps how one always expects the sun to rise, to set, to rise, to set, and how you expected never to have to let go of this person. These are just very rough ideas - I'm literally thinking of them as I type - but you get the general point.
Which is this: make it more descriptive. Where are you when you're watching this? Are you in the city? The country? What difference does this make? What's the sun setting over? What's on the horizon? How does it feel when the sun sets? Cold? Warm? Do you notice, or are you too lost in your thoughts? It would be quite nice, actually, to bring in something to do with the phrase "it's always darkest before dawn" at the end there. If it doesn't work for you, fair enough (and actually, I'm giving it away a bit, as I've been saving that line for something for ages...), but I think it would fit quite nicely there.
Anyway, it's one am in the morning and I'm really far too tired to be doing this, so I hope my little bit of analytic rambling helped in some way. Goodnight!
| aknightsgoldenrose 10/10/06 . chapter 1
Wow once again you capture exactly what I am feeling. Amazing writing. :)
| Needa S 10/2/06 . chapter 1
Beautiful, awesome write!
| CleoB 9/16/06 . chapter 1
i love this poem. its sweet. it like i can picture myself watching the sunset wondering wut i did to deserve the person i love. i just love this poem. and i love the ending!akasha*