 hide your eyes 2007-12-29 . chapter 1this is such an amazing concept, and this poem really does it justice. i loved it. |
 SirenThird 2006-10-24 . chapter 1This is a gorgerous haiku, I can just picture this girl looking through the fields for the right flower. You've created a really beautiful, creative image here; however tragic.
The only possibly helpful thing that I could say that I noticed for most of your poems is that if you didn't know the title of the piece before reading, they don't stand up as well.
Just
and I scour the fields
of daises to find the one
that says, “he loves me”.
Doesn't land as well as
flowers never lie
and I scour the fields
of daises to find the one
that says, “he loves me”.
At least not for me anyway.
I'd suggest using the title as more of a garnish than part of the actual poem.
And if I'm spitting out bubbles here then just ignore me. :p
Anyway, good job. |
 Enya Putsch 2006-09-24 . chapter 1i love this one- it's so sad and desperate. I also LOVED your one about being five and cinderella and prince charming- that was immense. i know exactly how you feel- being a kid is so much better than growing up. it sucks! |
 chocohound 2006-09-22 . chapter 1Another great one! I know I've gone through the daisies just to get that right one. As if all fate depends on that daisy. Great job! |
 dress her up in fairytales 2006-09-20 . chapter 1short, simple, but powerful. i can say that i've felt the same way. |
 citrus scented 2006-09-20 . chapter 1oh i love this! its such an image of desperation, and the whole "he loves me" on daisies is such a young image...it really works. it sort of shows how the relationship works so subtly. and "scour" is a great harsh word with the pretty diasy images. great piece. |
 burning in effigy 2006-09-18 . chapter 1love the idea and the simplicity, allowing the reader to get a lot from just three lines
great job! |
 Crossing the Rubicon 2006-09-18 . chapter 1Oh, I love this! Great haiku. |
 classic violet 2006-09-18 . chapter 1vivid and beautiful. |
 Atelophobia 2006-09-17 . chapter 1I love the simple idea of this, how you convey it. Definitely one of the most effective use of haiku I've seen so far. |
 Basara 2006-09-17 . chapter 1like a child do? if so... sweet...
nice... |
 autumnmurder 2006-09-17 . chapter 1I can almost picture a colorless field of flowers with a girl searching for just one with a little vibrancy. Very nice. Short, and sweet. |