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| the Berserker 2007-04-21 ch 1,  | abuse(In return for reviewing CaF) This is good, I'd like to see more. It doesn't draw me in as much as some other stories, but it looks like t has potential (plus it's slash, so I'm not gonna overlook it :D) |
| failte200 2007-01-14 ch 1, | abuseYou're first ever slash? Is the narrator a boy or a girl? You've given us no clue... Okay - you're actually doing better than I'd have guessed for a 15 yo (I'm 45 myself - yeah, one of those stalkers you've heard about). Spelling, grammer, punctuation, paragraphing are all excellent. The first sentence is a little... "dark and stormy night"ish - but that's just an opinion. And a further opinion is that it's too expositive - you're telling us too much while nothing has happened to make us interested. You can do that in a novel - not that that would make me like it - but once someone has decided to dig into 100,0 or more words, they'll put up with waiting for something interesting for a chapter or more, sometimes. As it stands, I have no real reason to care what happens to this guy/girl. Some kind of hint is all it takes... get us to care about him/her, THEN roll out the background. Then we'll be paying attention. There, you said you wanted constructive criticism... :) |
| Shadow1290 2006-09-19 ch 1, | abusefor the most part i think its good just theres not much to go by so MORE SOON and try to be...more informative! |
| Jonathan Kimberley 2006-09-18 ch 1, | abusejust as always u dont disappoint. keep it up. |
| The Evil Fairy 2006-09-18 ch 1, | abuseIt's a good start to the story, hope it continues to get better. Um, nothing else 'cept write more soon :) |