It was good. I a little over dramatic, but I think that's what you were going for. Good writing, good job.

This is a very poetic, and quite beautiful piece, very unlike my own or most other pieces I've seen on here. Very nice. I like the category of 'angst/drama'. Just made me chuckle.

Odd bits and pieces that could improve it:

'Swimming' and 'glittering' in the first sentence doesn't quite work for me. It's too similar sounds very close together. It might be better to replace 'glittering' with a colour descriptor.

I think the piece would be stronger without the section from 'You won't be able to escape it ... And you hand falls back into its former place'. It isn't that the writing's bad, I just think it over-eggs things, and all of this becomes clear as you go through the story anyway.

The story's pretty much perfect once the dialogue kicks in.

Would appreciate if you'd review my works, though they might not be your kind of thing.