A really great set of chapters here. I agree with your other review though the chapters could be joined together so it would flow more smoothly. I also think that this could be a really great start to a longer story if you wanted to continue it.*hugs*Sean

You probably could have combined these two chapters into one. It's an interesting bit so far, but I'm not sure you really understood what you were writing. If you did, I think you did a poor job of sending the message across in your writing. It's easy to see the semi-colon is your favorite puncuation mark. Only use it where it's needed. Write out any number under ten. See if you can work more imagery into your writing. And get a plot that the reader can find without searching for. A plot is a good thing to have, even in an essay.