This is brilliant. I've always had a sick fascination with offthewall Alice in Wonderland stories, but yours really takes the cake. I've got to say, this was wonderful. I really liked the 3rd part, at the end. You set me up to hear some little secret, some something. I was expecting something almost masochistic; maybe she liked her freefall? Maybe she felt she deserved it? But no. You just SLAMMED the brakes there. She jumped. Wow. Brilliant.

I liked the sense of mystery. It keeps you wondering what's gonna happen next. I was on my toes the whole time. -metaphorically speaking, of course- All in all, this was simply magnificent. Best I've read in a long time. Bravo.

Love from the Review Marathon. Rawr. The link's in my profile.

Hilarious. that is great. im still tickled about it. keep writing.

tragically beautiful. sometimes fairytales scream lost innocence, disney would have never guessed huh? In a nutshell, (since i cant think of any other way to say it) good work.

Love the formatting it really illustrates the raw emotion behinf the poem, each word is sharp and painfilled. Excellent

I love the format... and i love your seemingly
multiplepersonalityness (whatever) and your semi insanity. You are right. She jumped.

She jumped. Wow. Two simple words that make the poem even better. It wouldn't be the same without them, lol. Awesome job. I won't do a *faves* on you because... I hate that word. I will do a *makes a shrine in room* though. Lol, just kidding.

I found the double &'s distracting, but loved the format over all. And, of course, that punch in the face at the end is freaking spectacular. You sure know how to deliver shock value. Nicely done.

Alice never fell down the rabbit hole at all…
she jumped.
^ perfect.

this format works for you, a lot of folks can't pull it off, but you can. the way you did "falling" worked especially well.

This is really very good. I've never read anything quite like it; twisted in all the right places. I enjoyed it very much, and I'll be reading more of your writing.

Hello, darling. It’s been a while, for both of us it seems.

I love this piece. I’m kicking myself that I didn’t make time for fictionpress earlier, because I’ve been missing out on this. This entire piece in nicely written, but that ending took my breath away. I love the way you set me up to hear some whispered secret, but shoved the words in my face instead. It’s a powerful ending and you should be proud of this poem.

The only thing I would think about changing about this piece the beginning of the second stanza: “-but she’s (she seems to be) smiling.” I think the flow of the words outside and the inside the parenthesis is off. At first, I thought it could be remedied by simply taking ‘she’ out of the parenthesis, but that still doesn’t fix it. That would give you “-but she’s (seems to be) smiling” … which I think is better, but still not the best it could be. And I can’t seem to find a way to make it work just right.

Ah well, this is outstanding the way it is. Methinks I’m too finicky. Keep up the amazing work. You’re overdue for an update.

-- Marie

OhMyGod. This is just a wonderful peice. I love the twist a the end. Very cool. Very you (in a good way...a very good way). Nice work with this...I.just.wish I could write this well *bouws doun in praze*

Love, Ellen

P.S. I miss you. *sad face* Get ungrounded!

ohh..love the shock at the end. excellent job.

Very unique and morbid twist on the whole 'Alice in Wonderland' story, but I love it. I really do. Beautiful formatting. It really adds to the piece.

(forever never seems to last) - my favorite line. It's so sad, yet so true.

Nice work :)

Another gorgeous piece. And all of it so so true. Love your formatting, as always.

Cheers,
Venom

whoa.. it's amazing. i love the use of spacing, bold, italics and underlining. it's interesting to read and look at. :)