I loved the whole thing! My fave part was the ending tho! Very captivating!

THIS WAS AWESOME! this is one of my favorites that u've written in awhile! the whole things is just...wow!..i feel this way sometimes...like ur caught in an escapable cage but u can't get out cuz the edges cut too deep and tho u live for the pain...u can't escape tho u want too...this reminds me of something i have in one of my poems..maybe thats why i like the idea so much! this is awesome! u need to put this on a BG and post in on my space..on ur page!(. .)

Interesting way of writing. I like it. It's very effective. Awesome job.

'these tears that burn / this acid rain'

the format takes a while for the eyes to adjust to, yet i like this. short and bitter sweet, each line so moving and heartfelt. keep it up :)

I would have to say that the presentation really makes this poem. It's an idea that could easily do wrong, but you have pulled it off wonderfully!