Cool chap, although a little more detail would be nice. Aww, it's so sad; just as she's about to leave, her brothers tell her they love her...

Your dialogue flows very nicely. It feels just is a nice sweet story. I normally read action, but this is cool too.

gomen? GOMEN? Mystical Ninja! Haha! Just kiddin. It loved the naturalistic dialogue and how it was done. It showed more energy to the characters when you described them talking, and the story looks like it might be fun. Kinda like a manga story I've read before, but I forgot the name, but this is much better.

Peace

Darket

PS: Thank you for the review!

This was surprisingly fun to read, and teh characters grabbed my attention - you did a nice job with initial character development.

I'll be honest - I really didn't expect to be interested while reading because... well, this a HUGE departure from the genre of writing I'm used to. Seemed a bit too cutesy for my taste. But the story was pretty engaging and the characters are interesting. It has its flaws (such as skipping lines in the middle of sentences for no reason, among other things), but it's a pretty good story so far. Nice work.