Not bad at all. Very little dialougue, very discriptive, no errors that I could see, nice theme. A+ in my books. Looking forward to reading more of your stories.

Good job!

Hmm, this isn't a bad story. However, it took me a while to work out where it is set and this is mainly because of the confusion between Japanese and Chinese. Obviously these names are made up, but many of them contain sounds that are nonexistent in Japanese, particulary Wong, Lixuang, Shuang Geh, Qinto, amongst others. Though it is true that China had a huge influence on Japanese culture and language, the two are not to be confused.