Wow. I really liked this, very elegant extended metaphor and all that. Especially the end. As an experiment, would you still like it if you took out the kind of explanatory versions of "like you" or "just as you did" thingies? They fit in nicely, but the whole thing would have a more ... poetic, i guess ... flow if you just left it as a metaphor without most of the explanation. Whatever don't listen to me. I still liked it, very pretty
~ the freSman

That's such a sad story... But it was still very humanistic. I'm guessing this was based on real events? Anyway, I need to review the rest of your work!-Edward 04612

whoa, harsh. then again that was pretty cool. i liked it alot.