Love it.

I finally cam e to review you and I discover you might not continue the story. Interesting bit. I guess I've been out of FP longer than I thought. I suppose I'll have to find something else to review you.

Until I do or can (rather)... M.S.

I found this off the SkoW thread, and I think this story does have potential, though there are some things that need to be changed.

Some of the dialog is just unbelievable. And with Tara and Kyle- they barely know each other! I also found it odd that Rachel just miraculously knew Tara's name at Club Roar. And if she knew her name, how did she not make the connection with Jake? Rachel doesn't seem that stupid.

Also, the entire "revenge because of Tara" thing that Rachel is pulling is unrealistic, and kind of weird. If she got dumped, isn't it better to just let it go instead of making more of a fool out her herself? I guess different people may do different things.

Sam kind of creeps me out. Was he the guy Tara danced with at Club Roar? Maybe elaborate that a bit. He seems like the sort to be an abusive boyfriend or something.

Does Tara have no friends since Kyle? It's awkward...no one has been mentioned, or hung out with. She has to have some, because that is how she met him.

Jake kind of is weird to me, and Dylan's okay, I suppose. Basically, I just can't connect on a personal basis, or any basis to the characters. They don't seem real.

If you do write more, I am interested to see what happens. Maybe you could explore more of Tara and her friends, and her relationship with Sam.

Heya! (who the hell starts a review like that? oh, well)

I could start this review out with 'I've been meaning to review you', but that sounds like some sorry-** excuse. Truthfully, I've just been busy... Life, as it is, is that way-- you definitely know that!

But to move away from all of that and get to the review already!

{I groaned as I opened my eyes. I had surely slept till at least noon, the harsh sun rays were able to filter through the closed window blinds. My head throbbed. So this is what it a hangover headache felt like. Ugh. I was never drinking again.) Thank God drinking was never one of my things... so hangovers were never a problem. Then again, I when I used to drink, heavy drinks like vodka tonic and heavier ones weren't my drinks. The taste wasn't for me...

{Shielding my eyes from the sun with my hands, I reached for my glasses on the bedside table and clumsily put them on. Slowly, I tossed away the covers bemoaning not changing out of my party clothes as I moved stiffly to the living room.} I had a friend once who really drunk the day before her step-sister's wedding and woke up really late, she ended up wearing sunglasses throughout the whole wedding until I could get her some eye drops and concealer (to take away the reddish eyes and dark bags underneath them)... Thankfully the wedding was outside-- but she looked really odd in all the photos with her glasses on and looking upwards.

Still makes me laugh thinking about it.

{When Jake went off to college, the wait to get out of high school and join him there was torture. Somehow I survived with his weekend visits and soon enough I was living with him in his apartment going to school with him. Maybe Jake was the reason I was such a weakling. I needed to learn to take care of myself. I sniffed at my clothes, wrinkling my nose at the remnant smell of cigarette smoke. Taking care of myself will have to start with a long, hot shower.} How sweet! She has such a caring brother. Unfortunately I don't believe too many brothers are very caring for their younger sisters. Mines wasn't. In fact, I took care of my self and fought my own battles-- literally.

But I really do think it's nice when I see a brother caring for his sister sincerely.

{A couple of my braids had escaped my hair ruffle and wear hanging limply across my face. I was breathing heavily as though I had run a couple of miles. I barely ran two laps.} Two comments: I can definitely understand what she means by not being really fit... I can run a good distance of three miles without cramping, climb a bunch of stairs day in and day out (I'm good at that), but wrestling someone-- since I practically have to do that with certain clients-- comes easier.

The other thing is I've never been a big fan of braids. Some of them are really nice... but I think short hair, fancy pony-tails, and other hair styles are nicer. What's worse is they can make for being hot when running or exercising.

{“Hello.” He said, not laughing at my awkwardness. Well, the sound of laughter didn’t escape his mouth but his eyes were definitely laughing. Their amber color reminded me of something. The time Jake had tried to drink drambuie – a golden Scotch whisky liqueur- straight and failed miserably. Drambuie was forty percent alcohol.

Yeah, that was what his eyes reminded me of. Whiskey. Warmth and Whiskey.

“I’m Sam. Sam Dering.” His lips twitched in a small smile.} I didn't mention it at the beginning, but I definitely like the title of the chapter and the comparison right here to his eyes. It gives a very definite and descriptive image-- and brings one to mind. Like it made me think of him as someone with a deep voice and et cetera. Basically in short the type of guy that has a Vin Diesel body (something that's good) and voice (like Pitch Black/ Chronicles of Riddick-- sexy enough), that is when his lisp doesn't come out.

I guess that could be a good for some... I think the twitch of his lips made me come up with that image...

{“I’m Sam. Sam Dering.” His lips twitched in a small smile.} This part here also made me think of "Bond. James Bond." cue the back ground music... lol!

{Irish blood, I thought as I watched his eyes dance in amusement as he waited for me to speak. Definitely Irish.

“Irish?” He quirked an eyebrow at me, “Do I look Irish?”} Honestly, I wouldn't have believed something like this could happen to a person if it hadn't of happened to me. Of course when it did happen to me... twice.. I didn't blush or get embarrassed that much, I simply blew it off with a 'you heard that' joke.

{“Cat got your tongue?” I heard the low rumble of his laughter as he leaned on the gym locker next to mine.} Guys with such unabashed arrogance and confidence aren't always attractive... but what the hey! An ego to match his pecs.

{“You were right. I am half-Irish.”} Fascinating! Was the one sarcastic word to pop into my head.

In an overall view, because I reviewed as I read, the chapter was really good and intersting! The detailing and normal reactions, I personally think, is what made this chapter good though. Then again, story chapters that express the real reactions of people instantly get my voting card and attract my eyes' attention.

Usually I hate saying and putting this because it sounds like a pat on the back, but what the hell! "Good Job!" I literally mean that!

Until later, when I come to finish this off. Hopefully that should be tomorrow.

M.S.

I don't see what was so out of character. The chapter was good and interesting. Though for some odd reason I found myself getting mad at her brother, lol. Here he is screwing her sworn enemy, and he doesn't want her to get into any trouble or meet any guys that are going to hurt her... If that ws my brother I'd sock the ** out of him.

Good exchange between Dylan and Sam, though it just showed the natural male induced testosterone, it was amusing.

C.S.

Och! She's a cutie... I wanna hug her :D
Good chappy girl!

Though it's totally off limits that her brother is messing around with the same girl that Kyle messed around with, I think that Rachel is starting to show a new light. Her biggest problem is that she doesn't want to get close to anyone because she isn't close to people that she cares for.

Great chapter, and UPDATE SOON.

C.S.

Lol, Kyle's chapter had me laughing for some strange reason. It was more serious than Tara's, of course, but there was also something humourous about it, I guess his stupi dguy appeal working overtime.

C.S.

Damn, the breakfast that Jake mae her sounded so good that I'm hungry, too bad my lunch isn't until twelve tonight, lol.

This chapter was good, not too much and not too little, you stopped it at a good point. And Sam Dering, should be Sam Darling, he so cute, lol.

C.S.

I haven't reviewed one of your stories in a long time, so I thought it was high time that I did.

A very intriguing story you have here so far. I like all the characters you are developing here, though, Rachel does seem a tad stereotypical. Tara and Jake are the ones that interest me the most, especially their brother and sister relationship. Though, I can't wait to see more of Kyle.

I like what you're doing here, and you only have a few grammatical errors. You're doing great-- keep it up! :)

~the White Raven

Hey, not as much happens action-wise, but a lot happens character-wise. Very nice.

Yay you for writing a whole 'nother chapter!

I'm really liking the character of Dylan more and more. It's strange though, because he doesn't strike me as the type to throw the wild parties he is supposedly reputed for. But I could be wrong. After all, I haven't seen that much of him.

Poor Kyle. He really needs to work himself straight.

Very nice. Looking forward to more, I am!

~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings

Very nice. I've said my piece about this chapter already, but I thought I'd stop by and leave another few words of praise.

Great stuff! I'm really not sure what to make of Sam. He really is mysterious. I'm looking forward to find out what exactly his motives are and what kind of person he actually turns out to be. I liked him at first, but now I'm already leaning towards overprotective abusive stalker. I'm recognizing signs. ;)

Nah, we'll see what happens. But if I'm right, I can say I told you so!

*thumbs up* You rock, lady.

~GryphonFledgling

This was very nicely done. I loved the quote at the begining which I think helped to set this up really well. You started the chapter strong and ended strong. I loved how you wove her emotions in throughout descriptively. I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. Good work.

Hey there! Wow, the last time I reviewed this story was like 4 months ago, I think... I almost didn't remember what was going on!

Anyways, Rachel's a S-L-U-T, and I pray to God that the guy he just had sex with is not Tara's brother, or there will be hell. An opinion here: Wasn't that too fast? I mean, Rachel's a **, but seriously? just like that? Or am I being a prude? Meh, younglings nowadays...

On a technical note, you should run a revision, cause there were a lot of missing punctuation marks. Other than that, nice chappie!

Until the next review! (come on, chica, update faster, or I'll forget the whole story! :S)

I'm guessing the person she had a quickie in the club with was Tara's brother. So I suppose things did seem to look up for her. And to have Tara's brother go from checking Rachel out in one chapter to rejecting and not wanting to deal with her is a bit... odd.

As to the chapter itself... Seriously I hate repeating what others say because it reminds me of my usual saying towards redundant criticism, which is 'told story, take a number'. But unfortunately I have to agree with them that is was a bit fast... Now, what I think was fast exactly was the blank space between her talking to her brother and the part between her pulling him in the corner to have sex. You didn't have to put the part, but to fill that space up you could have omitted the part where you hhad her think the club was the only place where she could have sex with her clothes on and instead have had it she started kissing him and they both started groping each other. From that we could have caught the hint she had sex with him by your following part.

Well... overall the chapter was nice and it left me with the feeling Rachel just might take a full interest in Tara's brother... if she doesn't use him that is.

~M.Stains