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| burn our city 2006-12-11 ch 1,  | abuseI like this, it's got kind of a cute ending. :) I like your formatting, too. It's easy to read. Good job on that. I see a lot of people with random spaces and symbols in their poems and it usually doesn't help the work at all. |
| no.peace.los.angeles 2006-12-07 ch 1, | abuseThis piece is amazing. Your word choice just absolutely blows me away. I love how everything is just oozing with character throughout this, and then the last stanza! "percolate without personification" is simply one of the best phrases I've read all day. Gorgeous! Favorite! Keep writing! :) |
| Nemonus 2006-12-03 ch 1, | abuselol! The last two lines are wondrous and quirky. I didn't understand the source of the imagery in the first section, but it was evocative of the beach-metaphor, as an abstract. A nice characterization... |
| Anaare 2006-10-10 ch 1, | abuseHumorous too, huh? A fun little piece, which I much enjoyed reading, even though it's ten in the evening. |
| Halcyon Impulsion 2006-10-06 ch 1, | abuseThis made me laugh and laugh! The first stanza makes less sense until you read the second - what a punchline :) Excellent work! |
| Moondog Dozier 2006-10-02 ch 1, | abuseLovely sound and concept. I like how you've slipped the everyday into something that relates so well to the larger meaning. Striking ending really. Brings a sudden wonderful halt to the wake up. Excellent work. |
| Orual 2006-09-30 ch 1, | abuseHeh, rather amusing, but true. Sometimes writers get so wrapped up in symbols that they forget the point they're trying to make. Symbolism for symbolism's sake is very seldom a good thing. Nice job. |