Reviews for The Creeping - FictionPress.com

mjlb
2006-10-01
ch 1,

abuseYou wrote me a great review, so I'm going to try to give you one too.

First, I liked this story a lot. Toward the beginning I think you overused the italics a little bit, almost every spoken sentence had one or more words in italics. Not a huge deal, but people don't usually over emphasize every sentence.

Second, at one point you wrote:

"...Eddie joked as she turned to Janey and saw a now familiar species of bird."

and a few lines later:

"...but do you ever see any animals out here? Hell, do we ever even see any birds or bugs? Not a single one..."

A little contradiction, but it didn't take away from the story.

To me, the girls seemed a little too willing to beat the hell out of Jason and throw him out, especially after you had said how close a group of friends they were at the beginning of the story. You may want to establish toward the beginning somehow that he's a pervert or how he loves chasing girls or something. It just took me by surprise how they gave him a concussion and threw him out into the woods after they all thought something was out there.

Also, I wish you would have described the creature more. You had a good description of it's face, but nothing else, and I had trouble imagining the creature tripping and crashing into a tree because I didn't know what it looked like.

Was it humanoid? Two legs? Did it walk upright? Did it run on 4 legs? etc.

Also, toward the end I thought it was a little unrealistic that Harry was so willing to joke about the whole situation with Eddie when he told her he was turning into one of them.

Just my opinion there, though. They're your characters.

Well written, I enjoyed it. Putting you on favorites.

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