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| Katsuragi and Empress 2006-12-19 ch 1, | abuseI truly think your attempt at rhyming is holding you back. You have a great writing style but the rhyme pattern is not helping at all. You should do more free verse stuff. ~Empress |
| je suis une pomme du terre. 2006-10-03 ch 1, | abuseHm... interesting concept. I think you should keep going with this idea- maybe in another poem, contrasting your explanations from when you were a child with those of adulthood with the understanding of science. I like the set up and the rhyme. You have a nice, constant pace and you don't let the rhyme control you. Good job. ^.^ |
| DarthKader 2006-10-03 ch 1, | abuseInteresting, this poem really paints a picture in my mind, which I like because my imagination is totally shot. Thanks a lot for reviewing my sandwich sonnet, I am new to fiction press and I really appreciate some feedback, I'm working on a new story, and my damn sense of humor keeps interrupting it. Anyways, keep up the good work, I'd like to read some more of your work. |
| Princess-anna57 2006-10-02 ch 1, | abuseVery quiet piece. I like this a lot, well done. Keep writing. ~Anna~ ^_^ |