FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Hed in the Cloudz 2008-05-24 ch 1,  | abuseI like the splits in lines again this time. It makes the whole thing sound very methodic, and shows how truly brief the lack of encounter is. Yet again, two dashes would be fun, but besides that, your punctuation seems a bit overwhelming. You have so many different ways of signifying pauses that it's rather confusing to be the reader, and the poem isn't as tidy as it could be. --Yna, of the Review Marathon (see the link in my profile!) |
| Asylum Gates 2007-04-16 ch 1, | abusesuch strong emotion evoked in so few words. incredible. and I do it too. I love it |
| simpleplan13 2006-11-26 ch 1, | abusei like this.. the short lines... everything.. great job |
| HiddenFlame42 2006-11-01 ch 1, | abuseI do this all the time! lol Nice piece - clear and to the point. Thanks for your review as well btw! :) |
| sunday night sky 2006-10-27 ch 1, | abuseI love this. Short and beautiful. I can imagine it happening... I'm taking deep breaths with you, pausing at the same time. A sad and bitter atmosphere, but one I can relate to. Lovely. |
| mizu no kokoro 2006-10-27 ch 1, | abuseit seems almost in slow motion... simple yet meaningful. good work keep writing! |
| Penguins and Popsicles 2006-10-26 ch 1, | abuseIt must be lonely... And... you express yourself very well in such a tiny space... |
| Orion Demasecus 2006-10-17 ch 1, | abusewow, maybe it's because i'm really tired but i'm not exactly sure what it is you're supposed to be doing in this. |
| a lonely september 2006-10-05 ch 1, | abusei like the way this is written. this is a nice poem. |
| diffident 2006-10-04 ch 1, | abuseJeez, I do the same exact thing. And I do similar things in different situation. Like turn around if there's someone else at the park when I go. Boo. The stop/go meter of this poem suits the content well, I think. Good job. marie |
| poet tree 2006-10-04 ch 1, | abuseVery simple, but so much emotion. It seems like you're anticipating the moment everyone is gone to step out of the place where you feel safest so no one will hurt you. It takes courage. :D I love this. Oh, and I sent you a friend request on myspace. Just so you know it's not some creepy stalker. |
| luv me like no other 2006-10-03 ch 1, | abusenice piece of work. i do that all the time too. maybe, i'm semi-paranoid...lol |
| Lightning Storm 2006-10-03 ch 1, | abuseI do that all the time too. Nice work |
| RandoMaia 2006-10-02 ch 1, | abuseheh, nice. Nope, I don't think it's just you, because I do this too. More or less. And when I'm not banging away at the keyboard or blaring showtunes too loud to hear keys outside my door. (Plus, I think it only works in apartments...) Anyway, even though I'd go with "at THE door" for the first line, I like the the stream-of-conciousness flow of this, aided by the all-lowercase and the punctuation. Time flow, yayness! (Yes, I'm a writing geek... my mom's an editor, for chrissake, I catch myself reading ads on the subway, looking for typos... *headdesk*) |
| Princess-anna57 2006-10-02 ch 1, | abuseSo fascinating - it's simplicity really is making me think. People can interpret this so many ways. Great job, and keep writing! ~Anna~ ^_^ |